Twilight Edward's POV
by Herondale-Fairchild-Lightwood
Summary: I see the world in a light, well not a light. It's too dark and sad for anyone to live in. For the century I lived in this world, It gets worse and worse. But there was something I didn't expect, a girl. I should be strong and ignore her so no one gets hurt, but nothing works! It's frustrating that I can't read her mind! I don't own Twilight, the characters, story line!
1. Preface

**PREFACE**

I never thought anything like this would happen to me, this emotion. But I'm not meant to feel this emotion, I'm meant to deny it but I can't help it. It's strange, even for me but I don't care. But the balance of this emotion, pain, hurts too much. I can't stay away from her, read her thoughts, tell her what I am or anything. But she left. Left her bodyguards behind to leave for the ballet studio, I can smell her there. I have to run, run faster than anyone nearby to save her.

 _You have to be safe, you just have to be! I can't live a life without you! Don't go where I can't follow, please!_ I thought to myself.

 _Edward, calm down! She's going to be safe!_ I can hear Carlisle's thoughts.

 _Couldn't they hear the screams coming out of the studio? Can't Alice tell them what's happening? Everything went wrong from the minute I left her alone!_


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

This should be a fun day, Alice predicted it. But she laughed at me when it came to me so she called mine interesting. I also couldn't read her mind since I wasn't bothered and now I wished I had. I stared at the cracks on the cafeteria in far corner that no one see. It was fun having better vision than these humans. Several voices hit me but I ignored them out of pure boredom. They were all the same today and when it comes to the mind of a mundane, it's one tracked. Today their thoughts were on some new student joining the student body. I've seen the face repeated many times throughout the whole day and some wild fantasies of her as well. She got all of them worked up, an ordinary girl. It was as if she was a new toy on your birthday or a jewel to adore. Half of the males here was imagining being together with her but I tried my best to tune them out. It was very disturbing, even for someone who's seen it all. I gave four people their privacy, my family. They needed some privacy since I live with them and they say it's annoying when I read their minds. I tried not to listen so I wouldn't get into a fight with them.

Even if I tried not to listen, I still knew what they were thinking.

Rosalie was thinking about herself. She saw her reflection on someone's sunglasses and was enjoying the sight of her. Her mind was a shallow pool filled with sharks that could bite any second.

Emmett was raging over a fight he lost to Jasper last night. Emmett is always our strongest and he hated losing. Emmett would never speak his thoughts out loud or put them into action, just thought it.

I felt guilty reading other people's minds but I can't help how I am reborn. But I knew that Jasper was suffering. He was our latest vegetarian, no human blood and just animal. He was in a school full of humans that he could feed on any moment to quench his thirst but he wanted to stop so he looked in pain.

 _Edward,_ Alice thought. It caught my attention straight away since it was an old fashioned name. No one else here would have the same name as me so it wouldn't be hard to miss. This meant we were having a silent conversation.

 _How is he holding up?_ Alice wondered. I frowned. No one would notice because they would just think that I am frowning from boredom. Her mind went into a little frenzy from this answer. She was afraid. _Is there any danger?_ She asked.

She looked into the future to check if he was in danger. I looked at the wall and sighed, she knew I was shaking my head at her. _Let me know if it gets too bad,_ She warned me. I moved my eyes to the ceiling and back. _Thanks for doing this,_ She thanked me.

I was glad I couldn't answer. I didn't want to lie to family because I hated listening to Jasper's struggles. Was this really necessary? Couldn't we just leave it that he couldn't go on like us? He can't stop the burning in his throat for hours. I didn't like pushing his limits, why flirt with danger? It's only been a week or two since our last hunt and it was fairly dangerous for everyone here. It was worse when the humans got too close to us, it was revolting and delightful all the same. But it was really rare when a human walked passed us, they thought that we were freaks or dangerous. They didn't want to feel out of place by talking to us or bullying us because they thought we were danger for all of them. But right now, the dangerous one out of all of us was Jasper.

At that moment, a girl near our table stopped to talk to her friend. She tossed her hair and the scent hit us. I was use to the way it felt by now but it was normal and easy to ignore by now. Jasper was thinking of how to get the girl.

He would leave his seat beside Alice and walk up to the girl. He would lean down to whisper in her ear but make it fail on purpose and goes to her throat. His teeth sinking into her skin and feeling the pulse of the being dying away as he drank.

I kicked his chair before he could get out of hand.

"Sorry," Jasper muttered, he felt bad. He didn't want to believe what he was just thinking. I shrugged as Alice put her hand over his.

"You weren't going to do anything," She murmured, "I could _see_ that." She reassured him. I tried not to sigh at what she was lying about. Me and Alice had to stick together. She could tell the near future and I could read people's mind, we had to protect each other. She was talking to him, giving advice. He could imagine them as people and she explained what she does.

"I know who she is," Jasper said and it ended up rude. He turned away and looked at the window and looked at the far horizon, he ended to conversation.

Alice lifted her tray up and left, she wanted to leave him alone. Their relationship was amazing, like they could read each other's minds.

 _Edward Cullen._

I turned my head around to see who was saying my name but it was only thought. My eyes locked on a girl with brown hair, chocolate eyes, heart-shaped face, I knew this girl. She was the one that the boys were fantasising about and everyone thinking about today. The new student, Isabella Swan. She was the daughter of Fork's head chief of police and was brought to live here. Bella. She corrected everyone who'd use her full name…

I looked away, bored but I then realised that she had not thought my name.

 _Of course she is already crushing on the Cullens,_ I heard the first thought continue. The thought was Jessica Stanley's. It was a relief when she's escaped her fantasies of me and came back to reality. It was near to impossible to escape her thoughts or should I say daydreams. I wish I could explain why I couldn't go near her or why my teeth can't be so close. She would have been silenced of me forever!

 _Fat lot of good it will do her,_ Jessica continued with her rant, _She's really not even pretty. I don't know why Eric is staring so much...Or Mike._

She winced mentally at the last name. She was infatuated with Mike Newton. Mike was oblivious of her presence but he was focused on the new girl. Jessica explained common knowledge of my family. The new girl asked about us.

 _Everyone's looking at me, too,_ Jessica thought smugly, _Isn't lucky Bella two classes with me...I'll bet Mike will want to ask me what she's-_

I avoided her thought at the moment if she was going to brag on about Mike.

"Jessica Stanley is giving the new Swan girl all the dirty laundry on the Cullen clan," I distracted Emmett.

He laughed silently, _I hope she's making it good,_ he thought.

"Rather unimaginative, actually. Just the barest hint of scandal. Not an ounce of horror, little disappointing, actually." I said.  
 _And the new girl? Is she disappointed in the gossip as well?_

I listen to hear the new girl's thoughts. I search for a new voice in the crowd of student but nothing. It was my responsibility to know what she was thinking but nothing! If anyone had the slightest idea of what we were, I would read their mind. We would leave before they could confront us and they would think of it as a living nightmare. But this girl gave me nothing, nothing at all! Had she moved? It seemed unlikely since Jessica was blabbing to her. I looked up to check but I felt a bit off-balance.

I had to check on what she was thinking so I checked my hearing. My eyes locked onto the same brown eyes again. She was sitting at the same spot as before but looking at us, natural thing to do. Thinking about us too would be normal as well as looking at us. She invited the blood to cover her cheeks. I was glad Jasper was still looking out the window, I couldn't imagine how he would react to her.

The emotions were clear on her face, surprise. She discovered the little difference between her and my kind as she listened intentivly to Jessica's story. There was fascination in her eyes as well, I knew why. We were beautiful to them, our prey. Then she finally felt embarrassed as I caught her staring at me. She was so clear as day in her brown eyes but I couldn't read her mind! I had a moment of unease. This was something that never happened before! Was there something wrong with me? I listened harder because I was really worried now. All the voices I had blocked came back. Newton was fixated on Bella, wondering about what she likes. Eric was jealous, angry that Mike was staring at Bella. But one caught me.

 _...So disgusting. You'd think she was famous or something… Even Edward_ Cullen, _Staring,_ Lauren thought in disgust. She then thought about Jessica flaunting her new friend. People were thinking about what to ask her or what classes she might be in. Angela was thinking about exams and tests, really her. Bella was the only one I couldn't hear on the whole table.

"Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?" I hear her ask. She sneaks a look at me and looked away from my gaze, that surprised her. Usually thoughts were the same tone as their voice but this shy, quiet voice was nowhere to be found. "He's Edward. He's gorgeous but don't waste your time, he doesn't date anyone in Forks," Jessica said. I turned away to smile. She was lucky to know she didn't appeal to me. Jessica was thinking the complete opposite of how she is talking. I had a strange urge to walk between them and stop her. I wanted to shield Bella from the wild thoughts her 'friend' was thinking. I examined her one more time. I could see her veins though her pale, translucent skin. I was as thirsty as Jasper but it felt kind of odd. I can sense she didn't need to be with seven strangers or to be the center of attention. I can sense her shyness from the way she was positioned.

But I can only guess what she was thinking, not hear. Why?


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

"Shall we?" Rosalie saved me from my frustration. My misery of not catching her thoughts could tear down the school, I know that. I look away from the girl in haste with a sense of relief. I didn't want to fail at reading a mind, it was meant to be so easy like listening to a normal voice. But I didn't want to grow an interest on a girl just because I couldn't simply read her mind. It would have happened someday with anyone. There was no doubt that when I do figure out how to read her thoughts- I know I will- that it would be normal mundane thoughts. I wouldn't need to care so much because I couldn't read them and I shouldn't waste my effort to do it. "So, is the new one afraid of us yet?" Emmett asked me. He must have been waiting while I was staring at the girl so intensely, way to go! I shrugged an answer but it's not like he would care. He wouldn't press on for more detail and I wouldn't tell him anymore.

We left the cafeteria and that girl behind.

Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were pretending to be seniors and I and Alice were playing the younger roles. I headed off to my junior level of biology and sat on my desk alone. I doubt anything Mr. Banner has to teach would come to use with someone holding two graduate degrees in medicine. My books and belongings sprawled across the table. I was the only one in the class who had a desk to their self because the others were scared of me. I liked the idea of being scared of but something in me says that I'm going to be terribly lonely if I keep the act up. The room slowly filled with students that filled up the seats. I wished I was able to sleep again, I just need to now. I was thinking about her because another thought had a name in it, Angela's.

 _Bella seems just as shy as me. I'll bet today is hard for her. I wish I could say something… But it would probably just sound stupid…_

 _Yes!_ Mike Newton thought and turned his seat so he can watch the girls enter. From where Bella stood I couldn't hear any still, this was getting annoying. The place where her thoughts should be annoying me right now with her stupid thinking but nothing at all. She came closer to the teacher's desk and i automatically cleared up my mess because next to me was the last seat that was open for her. Poor girl; she would be feeling uncomfortable for the rest of her year in this class because of me. Maybe sitting next to her, I might find some loose end that I could tug to read her mind with! Not that I needed her to be close to read he mind or any one to be exact… not that it's worth listening to at all…

Bella swan walked right in front of the fan and the scent hit me from the first wave. It kept hitting me the longer she stood there and with the fan pushing it faster towards me…. No words can explain what I am going through….It's like Jasper but even worse… In that instant, I was no longer human. No shred of humanity left in me to stop what I was thinking. Lucky no one else could read minds or they would be screaming for their dear life. Even I am scaring myself with these inhuman thoughts. I was a predator and she was my prey. That was the only truth I can see right now and the only thing I can focus on.

There was no room of witnesses or the thought of not hearing her's wasn't bothering me anymore. Her thoughts meant nothing because she wouldn't be thinking for much longer. She had the sweetest blood I've ever smelled! I would have searched the world for her if I knew there was a scent like this. I could imagine the taste of the blood running down my throat and out of hers. Thirst burned my throat and my mouth was aching for a taste. My stomach twisted from not getting what it deserved all my eighty years. A second hasn't even past, she hasn't even finished making her step. Her eyes flew to mine and I saw my reflection in her wide eyes. Her shocked face was there for a few moments, long ones in my case.

She didn't make it easier. Her face flushed with her blood and I could smell more of her than I ever could. I couldn't think straight and my brain was hazed. My thoughts raged on with the wild fantasies of killing her on and on. She walked quickly to her seat but her haste made her tumble over. Vulnerable, weak, fragile, more than any normal human should have. I tried to focus on the reflection of me in her eyes, a monster. The monster that I drowned years ago resurfacing just because of a scent. How easily it has come up to me.

No.

My hands gripped onto the table as I held myself in place so I would spring up and kill her. The wood had my hand engraved in it. My hand had splinters on how hard I held the wood. I had to destroy the evidence. I ended up making little holes to cover it up and wood shaving on the ground. I scattered them with my foot so no one would suspect. Now the girl would have to sit next to me and I would have to kill her. I finched at my thought, scared of what I had become. The girl would have had no time to scream on her demise and she wouldn't even feel the pain because of how fast I would have done it. Then a few moments later the other mundanes would have sprung to action. They wouldn't know what I was doing at first but would soon notice when Bella dropped to the floor with my body towering over her. They would scream and other students would come running into the class and I would have to kill all of them. But I would be exposing my family to the world and it was against the rules. How can one person break the world I was living in?

I had so much time to make my life perfect and this girl shows up and everything crumbles to the ground. Like a sand castle breaking because someone was stepped on it, wrecked, that's what I felt. The scent was punishing me with every breath I took.

I mapped it out in my head, every thing. How I would kill everyone in five seconds and save Bella for last so she would scream. I took in another breath and it burned my throat once again. She was turning to sit next to me now. One of the lowly being slammed a folder shut and sent air to me, one without the scent of humans. For that brief moment I saw two faces. The face of a monster, killing everyone in sight. No mercy in his eyes or any forgiveness. He had red eyes, meaning he drank human blood. He had killed millions to save himself and drink their blood. That was me, the murdering monster. The other face was Carlisle's. They had no resembles and there should be none. Carlisle was not my biological father! We had nothing in common. Only the colour of our skin because of what we are. In my head Carlisle didn't judge me at all because he loved me. He took care of me for a century and loved me even if I wasn't really his real son. He still loved me even if I had proved him wrong.

Bella Swan sat next to me with the stiffest movements- With fear?- And her scent intoxicated the area around me. I was wrong for her, this would be the worse year of my life with this scent around me every moment of the hour. I would prove to myself that I can stand her scent as I can stand the rest of the humans here! I decided to lean away from her and the monster in me ached to go closer.

Why did she have to exist? Why did she come to this town? Why did she have to ruin my little time of peace? Why had she been born? Why was she aggravating me so much?

I turned to face her and a sudden wave of hatred washed over me.  
Who was this girl? Why me? Why now? Why did I have to lose everything because she came to this unlikely town? Why had she have to come here?

I didn't want to be a monster or the murderer of these innocent humans! I won't, she can't even make me. The scent was the problem and she did the one thing that made it worse. She let her hair out like a curtain to cover her face from me! Was she insane? It was like she was encouraging the monster! There was no friendly breeze would pass by this time to save her or me. All would be lost soon. But I didn't _have_ to breathe! I stopped the flow of air to my lungs and relief hit me but I was incomplete. I still had the memory of the sent in my head so I felt uncomfortable. I imagined the taste of it on my tongue and how it would…  
I wouldn't be able to resist, not even for the hour. But I have to so everyone can live and I wouldn't expose myself. This measly hour could save the victims from being dead.

It felt weird not breathing; not that I needed to at all. My body didn't oxygen but it felt weird none the went against my intsincts. I relied on my smell most of all because it lead the way through the hunt so I could smell the blood. It warned me of danger and that happened rarely. It was bearable to be near her but the thought of sinking my teeth into her to get her-No.

One hour, that's all I need! I shouldn't think of her scent or I would be in a frenzy! The girl kept her hair between us and let it spill on her folder so I couldn't see her. Every once in awhile she would look at me and look away quickly. Why was she keeping her tresses between us? Out of fear? Shyness? Keep her secrets from me? My former hatred and irritation possessed me. This human beside me striped my love of my family, making me a monster, making me think things I haven't in a long time! How dare she?! Hating her helped, just barely. I clung onto the emotions so I didn't have to remember the taste of her blood…

Hate and irritation. Impatience. When would the hour end?

But then what do I do? She would get up to leave and me? I could introduce myself, _Hi, my name is Edward Cullen, may I walk you to your next class?_ I would ask. She you say yes of course like any over woman I ever asked in my life. I would walk her out of the room and say I forgot something in my car. She would walk with me to my car but I pull her at a side of two buildings, everything dark. Then pin her to the wall and her heart would beat faster which would want me to get it over with fast. She couldn't see me coming towards her neck because I wouldn't be breathing and it would be dark. Then I would bite her, her scream covering the darkness. Her last thought would be how she missed her family and wished to never have come here and her last sight would be of me. Since she would be farther away, no one could hear her painful and last plea for life. But the other vampires would hear, my siblings. They would rush out of class to see what I have done to disgrace them, what has this girl done to me?


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

I could imagine their horrified and disappointed faces but Jasper was the worse of all. But would anyone notice I was last with Bella before she supposedly died? Of course, Mike Newton would know. He was aware of how fidgety Bella had gotten and how uncomfortable she had been so he would suspect me. He would know that I would have been the one to have killed her. He would know if she left the class with me and never returned. But she would go home to an empty home. Chief Swan worked all day which left her practically alone in the house. I knew where everyone's house was in Forks so he made no exception. He would be nestled up by the woods with no neighbours. If she would have screamed no one would be able to hear since there was no one there to save her. That would be the responsible way to deal with this. If I could hold my breath for one hour, I could last two. I could wait for her to be alone and no one else would get hurt. _And let's not rush through the experience,_ The monster in my head agreed. I would be less of a monster when I kill this girl, life would be normal again. Though I hated her my hate was unjust. Chief Swan would be heart-broken to find that his daughter got killed. He only got reunited with her yesterday. Bella's friends would be miserable and Mike would bark at me to get his anger flushed out. Carlisle would be disappointed in me and Esme would try to comfort the both of us. This was just all wrong on so many types of levels.

I went through the hour thinking of ways to kill her. I tried not to think of the act because I would get out of hand and murder everyone here and that would be cruel. I just simply planned out a strategy and I made it through the hour. Once, towards the very end, she looked through her hair to me. Our gazes met and her eyes was full of fright but I couldn't tell what she was thinking. All the hatred washed away as he cheeks flush in embarrassment. I couldn't help it any more. But the bell rang, luckily and finally. Saved by the bell! We were both saved from death and the nightmarish creature I would have become. I slammed by book close so quick and packed up so fast that no one could see. I darted out of the room and if people were looking they would think something was wrong with me, not that they already don't. But no one payed attention, they paid attention to the girl and that made me glad that I won't have attention. I hid in my car. I knew it sounded cowardly but I had to, I couldn't risk smelling it again or seeing the blood rush to her cheeks. I wasn't tame enough to be around the other humans at the moment and I didn't want to kill anyone because I was foolish enough to go to Spanish. I played the CD that calmed me down but it didn't so much. I could remember her scent and that was all in my head, the parking lot was empty. No lowly human to witness my misery but luckily it was raining. The rain splattered across the window of the car and made the light rays stop. I was sane again, I was _me_. I didn't have to kill her when she was alone or become the monster! Maybe I was sane again because her scent wasn't here to dilute me! If I avoided her for the next few years I could be normal again. I liked the things before she came here, who gave her permission to break everything? I didn't have to disappoint my father!

No pain or stress would come to anyone if I could avoid her. How ironic it was that I wanted to protect the girl from Jessica Stanley's thoughts. I was the last one who would be her protector. She would need protection from me! Where was Alice for the love of God!? Hadn't she had a vision of me killing the Swan girl or something even worse? Shouldn't she be dashing through the rain to save me from myself? Was she so caught up on looking after Jasper that she wouldn't see mine? Or would I have done nothing to the Swan girl? Was I stronger than I thought? No, Alice would be looking after Jasper at the moment. It was easy to find her voice looking after her love. She was watching over his every movement and looked into the future almost every time to check on him. I wish I could have her advice right now but I can't storm in her class for it. But also I was glad she didn't know what I was capable of. I felt a new burn in me- not the one I felt earlier.

Shame, I was feeling shame. I didn't want any of them to know how weak I was. To stoop so low to avoid the Swan girl instead of confronting her! But I had to so no one would get killed. I had to get away from her scent. There was no reason as to why I shouldn't at least try to stay away from her. The last hour of school was almost over! I decided to put my plan into action. To stay away from her. To switch classes. I hated that she had so much power over me, did she even know? I walked swiftly- too much but there were no bystanders- across the campus to the office. Bella Swan would be avoiding me like the plague she was (Too harsh and I know it). The office was empty except for the main staff in charge, the one I needed. She didn't notice my silent entrance. "Mrs. Cope?" I asked for her. She looked up to see who it was and to realise it was me she fixed her glasses. _Silly_ , she thought, _He's just as young as my son….Too young to think that way…_

"Hello, Edward. What can I do for you?" She fluttered her lashes at me. Disgusting, that's what I thought of her. But I knew how to be charming when I wanted to be. I leaned forwards on the counter and met her gaze. Her thoughts were a frenzy, this should be easy enough!

"I was wondering if you can help me with my schedule," I said in a soft voice. I knew what voices humans were scared of and what voices they loved and made them calm. I heard her heart beat faster.  
"Of course, Edward. How can I help?" _Too young… Too young…_

She was wrong, I was older than her grandfather but my driver's license said otherwise.  
"I was wondering if I can switch my Biology class with something else, like physics?" I asked her, this should work by the way her mind is working.  
"Is there a problem with Mr. Banner, Edward?" She asked me.  
"Not at all, I just already studied the material…" Not a lie, learnt it like a million times!

"In that school you went to in Alaska, right?" She asked. _They should be in college. The way their teachers complain about their top marks, not a mark missed. Perfect scored, remembers book line quotations perfectly, some may wonder if they cheat in their tests! Mr. Varner would call anyone smarter than him a cheater. I bet their mother tutors them because no school could teach them how to do that!_

"Actually, Edward, Physics is already full." She tried to say.  
"Then can I drop the class?" I asked her and leaned in closer.  
"Drop Biology?" Her mouth dropped. _How much trouble is there in going to a class you've already learnt?  
_ "You won't have enough credit to graduate!" She amended.  
"I'll catch up next year,"

"Maybe you should talk to your parents…" The door opened behind me but they weren't thinking of me so I ignored them.  
"Please, Mrs. Cope?" I pleaded her, "Isn't there any other opened slots? Like anything!" I stared deep in her eyes. Her heart beated faster.  
"Well, I could talk to Bob- Mr. Banner about if-"  
A second was all it took. My purpose here was for another reason now.

Samantha ran in the room and gave in late slip but it gave me something as well _her_ scent. The door made the scent waft over to me. I then realised why I couldn't read the thoughts of the first person because it was _her_. I turned stiffly towards the direction of the scent. There she was, leaning against the wall! Reading her slip carefully as if I wasn't here. She looked up just in time to see my gaze on her, her eyes frightened. She looked away and gave Mrs. Cope her slip before running away. "Edward?" Mrs. Cope asked me.  
"Nothing, I can see that it's impossible. Thank you for your help."

I left the room quickly before taking another deep breath in. I walked as normally as I can and didn't stop until I reached the car. There was one witness to notice me walking fast.

Where did Cullen come from? He just appeared out of thin air- there I go again. Mum always told me that I-

When I slipped in the Volvo, the others were already there. I tried to control my breath but I was gasping for fresh air. The scent the girl radiated was intoxicating and addictive but also cheering on my monster. "Edward?" Alice asked in alarm.

I shook my head.  
"What the hell happened to you?" Emmett demanded. He was distracted for that moment from last night and that Jasper was not in the mood for a rematch. Instead of answering I threw the car into reverse. I had to get out before Bella Swan arrived in the parking lot and I would smell her even from this distance. She was my own personal demon, haunting me… I swung the car around and exited the school, then accelerated. I hit seventy when I reached the road. I knew that everyone else were looking at Alice for Alice. Sadly, Alice could only look into the future and not the past. She looked ahead for me now.

"You're leaving?" She asked me, sadness tipped it off.  
"Am I?" I tried to restrain my anger but ended up fixing my shoulders in place. Then she looked into a darker future.  
"Oh," Was all she said.

 _Bella Swan was doing the dishes, alone in her house. Chief Swan had to go work which left her home alone with almost nothing to do. No neighbours to keep her company or friends to talk to through the phones. I crept up silently through the kitchen and I towered over her fragile body. She was humming a tune to herself, a happy one. She won't be happy for long. I leaned down without breathing and bit her. She couldn't feel the pain at first because of my speed but then felt it. Her horrific scream shattered through the house and it was never ending. She dropped to the floor and looked up at me with her dead eyes. My eyes were crimson from the human blood and I was addicted like an alcoholic._


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

"Oh," Alice said once again. The image got more specific and I could see Chief Swan's house for the first time. I could see Bella in the kitchen with the dishes with her back to me as I creep over to her. I let her scent pull me towards-  
"Stop!" I groaned but it sounded more like a yell or plead.  
"Sorry," She whispered. The monster inside of me rejoiced knowing I would kill Bella Swan one day. Her vision shifted to a highway. Finally!  
"I'll miss you," She said, "No matter how short you're gone." Alice said. Rose and Emmett shared a look that I couldn't exactly read but I didn't want to read their minds, I just wanted to breathe in the fresh air. "Drop us here, tell Carlisle yourself," Alice said to me. The car squealed to a stop and the car came into sight for the humans. "You'll do the right thing," Alice touched my shoulder, "She's the only family Chief Swan has left, he would be devastated…" _And killed…_

"Yes," I agreed with her. I wanted to do the right thing and keep everything OK in this strange town. She left me alone in the car and joined the other, her eyebrows furrowed in worry. I hit the pedal and speeded through the town. I knew if I made one mistake, Alice won't be here to warn me. I was at ninety miles per hour now but where do I go? To say bye my father? Embrace my inner monster?

I leaned back on the snow of the river bank. It was peaceful yet restless in my opinion. My mind flew one hundred and fifty miles per hour and I couldn't stop. The sky above me was clear, unlike in Forks. It was night and stars covered the darkness and it was beautiful. It would have been if I could have been able to see it. It had been six days and the scent was stuck in my head, it was as if I was actually breathing the scent in. The stars above me made a constellation of a human face and I banished the thought from my mind. The heavens can't be punishing me with her face in the sky. I heard thoughts coming before the sound of footsteps, Tanya. I knew she wanted to talk and she wanted to talk before I would leave and God knows when that would happen. She then sprang into sight and I knew what she was going to so. If I'd been able to see her, I would have known. But I knew how she looked. Blond curls, silvery skin, amber eyes. Her body coiled up, _Cannonbolt_ , she thought. She lifted herself in the air and splashed in the snow next to me. The snow covered my hair with it's pale flakes and cold. "Edward?" She asked me. She brushed the snow from my face and hair before meeting my eyes. "Sorry," She apologised, "It was a joke." She amended.  
"I know, it was funny,"

She frowned.  
"The others said I should leave you alone, they think I am annoying you." She said at last.  
"Not at all, I'm the one being really rude!" I assured her.

 _You're going home, aren't you?_ She asked.

"I haven't...entirely...decided yet," I said while thinking.

 _But you're not staying here,_ She said sadly.

"No, it doesn't seem to be… helping…" I tried to find the right word.  
"That's my fault, isn't it?" She asked me.  
"Not at all," I lied.

 _Don't be a gentleman, I make you uncomfortable…_ She thought.

"No,"

She raised her eyebrows to question me. She distrusted me because I could read thoughts but she talked finely either way.  
"OK, a little," I admitted. She sighed in relief to know I admitted the truth but her thoughts were chagrin.

"You're a thousand times more beautiful than the stars, Tanya. Don't let me pull you down." I cheered.  
"I'm not used to rejection," She grumbled.

"Certainly not!" I agreed.  
"When you arrived," She said slowly, "I thought that…"

I knew what she thought and I should have guessed she would have.  
"You thought I'd changed my mind…" I said outloud.

"Yes."

"I feel terrible toying with you expectation, Tanya. Sorry! I just left home in a- hurry!" I said quickly.  
"I don't suppose you'd tell me why?" She asked. I sat up straight and looked away.

"I don't want to talk about it,".

Tanya, Irina and Kate were good at the things they do, Sometimes even better than Carlisle. I was too ashamed to tell my weakness to Tanya. "Woman troubles?" She guessed, almost spot on.  
"Not in the way you mean it but yes!" I laughed. I read her thoughts to understand her silence.  
"You're not even close," I laugh at her.  
"One hint?" She asked.  
"Please let it go, Tanya." I said to her.  
 _Where will you go, Edward, if you leave? Back to Carlisle?_ She thought.

"I don't think so," I whispered. I couldn't think of one place that would please me because my family wasn't there with me but I couldn't make them leave. Rose was finally going to graduate with Emmett! When had I become such a coward?

"I think you will go back!" Tanya comforted me," No matter what. Who ever it is...haunting you… you'll get through it! You're the type!". I tried to vision the man she was thinking of, the man that goes head on.

"Thank you, Tanya! I really needed that," I kissed her cheek.  
"You're welcome, I guess…." And her thoughts went a flutter.

"I'm sorry, Tanya, but I guess I haven't found what I'm looking for...yet…" I apologise to her.

"Well, if you leave before I see you again...Goodbye, Edward…" She bid me farewell.

"Goodbye, Tanya," I could see it. I could see me leaving for Forks, back to home. "Thanks again!". She was on her feet and running away in a matter of time, blending in through the snow. She didn't look back at me to say anything else. My rejection hurt her through her thoughts and she wanted the last thing she said to me was a farewell. I was upset from that, I didn't like hurting anyone. I knew that Alice would see me coming back home any moment now. She would bounce up and inform my family. This would make them happy but what about _her_. In a hurry, I rushed to the car to be the me who faced things head on. I would talk to _her_.

"She used to look at our table for like two days but seems like she had gotten over it. Her face would fall knowing you weren't there and now she would just talk to her friends and not look over to us, as if we didn't exist." Emmett informed me. They were propping me on how I should act again so I don't make any mistakes. This morning, Alice put together my clothes so I looked decent but still me.

"It's going to be OK," Alice breathed. Her eyes were unfocused and Jasper was holding onto her elbow, afraid of anything going wrong. Emmett and Rosalie led the way. Emmett looked horribly like a bodyguard, kind of funny. Rosalie looked irritated more than protective but still wary.

"Of course it is," I grit my teeth. Their behaviour was impossible, like when you are little protecting the princess from the dragon. But I was the princess and _she_ was the dragon. Kind of embarrassing now… The sudden shift in their behaviour. Usually, Emmett and Jasper would throw snowballs at me when I am like this. They would have taken that advantage but not today. So this girl changed not only my behaviour but my family's!


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

"She's not here yet, she's going to come in… She won't be downwind if we sit in our regular spot!" Alice said.  
"Of course we'll sit in our regular spot. Stop it, Alice. You're getting on my nerves! I'll be absolutely fine!"

She blinked once as Jasper helped her to her seat and her eyes focused on me. "Hmm…" She began, "I think you're right."  
" _Of course_ I'm right!" I almost yelled. I hated being the focus of attention. I now know how shy people felt or how Jasper felt everyday at school. He met my gaze and grinned. _Annoying, isn't it?_

I rolled my eyes at him. Was it just a week ago that this very room seemed so boring and self-centered at one girl? Well, some thoughts were still buzzing on about her with major fantasies. Today my nerves stretched like rubber but they were on fire. I scanned every thought, sound, movement, I was afraid. I was expecting to hear more about the Cullens because of her. I thought she would have told people about me frightening her or glaring at her in Biology. She surely saw me trying to switch classes and she would have thought she was the problem. I thought she would hyperbole it or something. Had she said nothing of me? A normal girl would have asked someone! Maybe she was too shy or confided with her father. Of course, now I would have to search her father's mind. But his mind was slow or was I slow on catching on? Maybe the girl got her thoughtless mind from her father. I can't catch onto Chief Swan's thoughts so quickly so I had to put a little effort into it.

People wanted to fit in so they won't be the sore thumb. This girl would make no exception so why did she say nothing? But no one noticed us come in. "Anything new?" Jasper asked me.  
"Nothing...She must not have said anything." I said. At this all of them looked at me in surprise.

"Maybe you're not as scary as you think you are," Emmett pressed, "I bet I could have frightened her better than _that_.".  
"I wonder why…?" He went on. I rolled my eyes. He must be talking about why I can't read her thoughts.

"We've been through this, I don't know!" I said.

"She's coming in," Alice murmured. I felt my body stiffen in an instant. "Try to look human!" She warned us.

"Human, you say?" Emmett asked. He still had a snowball left in his hand, it wouldn't have melted with our stone cold skin. Of course, Alice could tell the future and could tell this would happen. He had threw it but she pushed it away. It landed on the floor with a slush sound. The nearest table to us looked at the slush on the floor and started to shuffle around to try and find the culprit, not thinking on looking at our table.

"Very human, Emmett," Rose said sarcastically, "Why don't you go punch a wall while you're at it?"

"It would look more impressive if you do it, baby!" He grinned. I tried to pay attention to what they were yelling about to make it look like I was apart of it. I didn't want to look towards the line or I would look to suspicious and Mike would get over protective of either girls. I could hear Jessica's impatience with the new girl. She seemed to be distracted, standing motionless in the line. I saw in Jessica's mind that Bella had flushed cheeks painting her cheeks. I took in short breaths to make sure her scent wouldn't drive me insane. Mike Newton was with the two girls. His thoughts were wrapped around the new girl like a ring. The way she looked up from her reverie and ignored him like he wasn't there. "Nothing," I heard Bella say. Her voice was quiet but clear, like a bell but I knew it sounded like that because I was listening to her so intently. "I'll just get soda today," She carried on. She hastily went up the line to make sure she wouldn't be holding the line up anymore. She was staring at the floor with the blood painting her cheeks again. I looked away before I could catch the scent to see Emmett laughing at me.

 _You look sick, bro!_

I rearranged my features to make it look effortless and casual. I wouldn't be getting around the day with a sick face, would I? Jessica was wondering about the girl's lack of appetite, "Aren't you hungry?".  
"Actually, I feel sick…" Her voice was clear and slow when she said it. Why did it bother me that Mike's thoughts about protecting her? Why did it matter to me? It wasn't my business that he felt worried for her. This must have been how everyone was around her. Hadn't I wanted to protect this girl too? Before the thought of killing her…?

But _was_ this girl sick?

It was hard to judge because for one, I couldn't read her mind and the expression of her face was distorted. She had pale and translucent skin and her eyes weren't focused on anything… Now, I'm worrying too! I had to force myself not to think about her health. None the less, I didn't like looking through to her through Mike's eyes. I switched to Jessica's as they walked towards their friends. Alice was right, they were sitting with their friends. Not downwind like she promised! _She's going to look soon, act human!_ Alice elbowed me. I had to set my jaw in place behind my grin, Emmett could notice it. "Ease up, Edward," He grinned, "Honestly, so you kill one human. That's hardly the end of the world."

"You would know," I muttered.

"You've got to learn to get over things," He laughed, "An eternity's a long time to wallow in guilt!".

Just then, Alice tossed a snowball that was in her hands. He blinked in surprise and smirked.

"You asked for it!" He leaned across the table and shaked his head. The snow melted from the temperature and the water dripped of his hair. I almost thought that the water was golden because of my stupid mind.  
"Ew!" Rose said in disgust. Alice begun to laugh and we all joined her. I looked into Alice's mind to see the girl- I should stop thinking of her that way- Bella would look at us in this perfect moment. She would see us laughing and playing like any other normal being. Alice kept laughing and held up her tray as a shield. The girl-Bella must be still staring at us.

 _...Staring at the Cullens again,_ someone thought. It caught my attention and I looked at the direction it came from. I realised then that it was Jessica's thoughts. My eyes slid past Jessica and to Bella's gaze. She looked down quickly and her hair curtained her face away from me. What was she thinking? Letting her hair down made the scent intensify! The rage I felt seemed to drown over time and I tried to read her thoughts. I tried really hard to breaking whatever shield had protecting her. Nothing but silence.

 _What is it about her?_ Jessica thought. Same thing I was thinking!

"Edward Cullen is staring at you," Jessica whispered to Bella and added a giggle. None of the jealousy she had thought from before transferred into her tone. She was a very good actor! I listened closely, not caring that it looked like I was staring.  
"He doesn't look angry, does he?" Bella asked her. So she had seen the way I acted towards her last week! Of course she had! The question confused Jessica. I saw my own face in her own mind and she studied it but I did not meet her gaze.

I still concentrating on Bella to try and hear _something_. My focus didn't even help one bit! "No," I knew Jessica wanted to say yes- how it frustrated her that I wasn't staring at her- but she said nothing of it, "Should he be?" She asked.  
"I don't think he likes me," Bella whispered back. She lay her head down on her elbow on the table. I tried to analyse what she was doing, figure out why as well. Maybe she _was_ tired!

"The Cullens don't like anybody," Jessica reassured her, "Well, they don't notice anyone enough to like them," _At least never used to…  
_ Her thought was a grumble complain of how Bella could get a lot of attention. "But he's still staring at you!" She laughed.

"Stop looking at him," The girl whispered scaredly. She sounded anxious yet angry at the girl. Jessica obeyed the girl with a word but smiled to herself.


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

The girls didn't look back us throughout the whole hour. It kind of bothered me in a certain way but I tried to ignore it. Her body would shift towards me but she would still be staring at who ever would be talking on her table. Of course she couldn't hear father than a two table radius which meant my table's conversations were a mystery for her. Mike Newton was planning a snowball fight outside but couldn't he hear the snow melting outside? By the end of the day, there would be puddles and wet places! I could hear the snow melting of the roof and dripping onto the ground to form puddles or muddy ones. The snowflakes were now just rain dropping from the sky. Like Bella said a few days ago to her friends, 'Snow just means it's too cold to rain'! Could they really not hear the change? Was it too quiet for their ears? It seemed too loud for me. When the hour was done I stayed in my seat and the others waited for my decision. They wanted to know if I could go to Biology. The humans filed out of the room and left us behind. "I... _think_ it's OK," Alice said, "You're mind is set, I think you'll make it through the hour." Alice said finally. But she knew how easily the mind can change, too well.

"Why push it, Edward?" Jasper asked me. He didn't want to feel smug that I was the weak one now but he did and I could hear it very faintly, "Go home. Take it slow.".  
"What's the big deal?" Emmett sighed, "Either he kills her or not! Might as well get it over with!" He pounded both with fists together.

"I don't want to move, yet!" Rose complained, "We're just about to graduate again!". I wanted to do this so badly, face this head on and see the colours I had been missing. I wanted to see the humans frightened eyes or all the lessons I've missed out on! I wanted to know if there were anything new or anything I should be aware about. But also I didn't want to stretch it. If I could go this far, I would leave it at that and slowly go through the year bit by bit and catch up next year. But it wouldn't be worth it. I had been hunting with Jasper for so long, why should I waste it? I didn't want to look weak because my family would tease me for it. I realised that I wanted to go to Biology again. To see her face again. It was decided for me but I was angry at myself for _needing_ to see her again. A week ago I promised myself not to let her thoughtless mind trigger any interest in me but it had. Her mind was empty but her eyes were clear as day, maybe I could read them instead. "No, Rose, I really think it will be OK today," Alice said, "It's becoming more clear and firm by the moment!" She said after finding the right words, "I'm ninety three percent sure that it would be OK!" She said. Alice looked at me and wondered what made her vision more clear and firm. Would curiousity keep Bella Swan alive?

But Emmett was right- let's get it over with! I would face the addictive and alluring scent head on! "Go to class," I ordered them. I got up from the table and walked away from my siblings without looking back. They doubted me except for Emmett. I took in one deep breath before heading inside the class. I could see the girl sitting on her table- our table- doodling. I could tell I wasn't late because Mr. Banner was still setting up the lab for us. I analysed the sketch she was doing as I walked over to my seat. It was a valley at night but what did it mean? Only she would know! But her eyes weren't really focused on the doodle she was doing. Maybe her mind was on something else. I pulled my chair back with a rough noise coming out of it, humans made it all the time. Humans needed a sound to know when someone had approached them. I knew she had hear it but she didn't look up, too deep in thought, perhaps. Or maybe she was still frightened of me. I wanted to leave her with a better impression than that. Make her think the past week was a nightmare or never even existed.

"Hello," I said in a soft voice, I needed a voice that would make her feel safe and comfortable with me. A voice that would bring her back to earth and back to reality so she would talk to me. I formed a small smile on my lips and was careful not to show my teeth. She then looked up lazily and her eyes focused on me after a moment of daze. Her eyes widened in surprise and all the hate- the one I had a week ago- evaporated. My eyes looked into her deep brown ones and I couldn't help but stare more. Not breathing in her scent could make everything easier in life and it did. Her scent wouldn't trigger the monster inside of me and I felt safe with her. I can now understand why everyone had buzzed around her. If I hadn't gotten caught over that I couldn't read her mind and her scent, I would have grown to love her like everyone else in the school. Her cheeks began to flush but she stayed silent. I kept staring at her eyes so my thoughts wouldn't get distracted by the sight of her blood. I had enough breath left to speak another sentence to her. "My name is Edward Cullen," I knew she knew my name but it would be a polite way to begin, "I didn't have a chance to introduce herself last week. You must be Bella Swan.".

She looked confused. It took her half a second longer than normal. "How do you know my name?" She demanded. I must have truly terrified her but I wanted to fix that. It made me feel guilty that she was so defenceless! I laughed gently- it was a sound that comforted humans and made them feel at ease.  
"Oh, I think everyone knows your name." Surely she knew that. She should have known that she'd come the centre of attention in this town. "The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive!". She frowned at this new information as if it was unpleasant. I suppose being as shy as she was she wouldn't like all the attention, she would feel the awkward atmosphere starting to grow. Most humans felt the opposite. They loved attention and the fact that everyone gave it to them.

"No," She said, "I meant, why did you call me Bella?" She asked.

"Do you prefer Isabella?" I asked. I remembered on her first day she prefered 'Bella' and not 'Isabella'. Why did she not want me to say it? Am I any different to her than anyone else? I didn't understand. Were all humans so difficult to talk without mental guidance?  
"No, I like Bella." She leaned forwards on one side, the on opposite me, and exhaled. Her expression read embarrassment and confusion.

"But I think Charlie-my dad-must call me Isabella behind my back. That's what everyone here seems to know me as." Her skin darkened with pink even more.

"Oh," I said lamely. I looked away from her and realised what her question had meant. I had slipped up, majorly. If I hadn't read the mind of those she had spoken to on her first day, I wouldn't have made the mistake. I could have greeted her with her full name and it wouldn't be really this awkward. She'd noticed the difference. It was very quick of her to notice my slip up and the difference. But I had a bigger problem, not getting into her head. I was out of air, even if I didn't need air I needed it if I were to speak to her again. It would be hard to avoid talking to her. I wanted to and sitting next to me, she would have to talk as well. It would be rude of me not to speak to her throughout the practicals or partner works. It would make her more suspicious and more afraid…

I leaned as far away as I can from her to take a deep breath in. The air was almost fresh but was OK to breathe in. But I could also remember her scent in the back of my mind and I wanted it but it would hurt too much for the both of us. My throat was burning again from the thought. I clenched my teeth together and tried to compose myself. "Get started," Mr. Banner ordered. I felt like all my self control came back at that moment and I could finally speak again.  
"Ladies first, partner?" I asked her. She looked up with a bewildered expression. Was she frightened again? She didn't speak. "Or, I could start, if you wish." I said quietly.  
"No," Her face turned red again, "I'll go first.". I stared as she took the microscope into hand and looked through into it. She didn't take long to figure out what it was.  
"Prophase," She said. She started to move to the second slide even though she had barely examined the first on. I got foolish. I reached out to stop her and said, "Do you mind if I look?". For one second her warmth flooded into me. It felt like an electric shot. The heat passes through my hand to my forearm. "Sorry," I muttered. I looked into the microscope for somewhere to look and she was right. "Prophase," I agreed. I was too unsettled to even take one glance at her. I took tiny breaths in through my teeth and switched to the next slide. "Anaphase." I said after a short examination. I then realised she had been quiet. Had she been frightened from my temperature? What was she thinking?  
"May I?" She asked for the microscope. Was she trying to check _my_ sight? My sight is better than hers any day! I smiled as I passed the microscope to her. She stared into it and seen that I had been correct. "Slide three?" She asked for. She was still looking into the microscope and her hand was held out. I dropped the next slide into her hand and she switched it. Sitting next to her was like sitting next to the sun. Warm but could kill you. She didn't look at the slide for too long.  
"Interphase." She said as she pushed the microscope towards me. I checked and she was right again. We finished this way, one word at a time. No sentences just answers to the worksheet and practical. We were the only ones finished. Mike Newton seemed to be having trouble concentrating.

 _I wished he stayed wherever he went,_ Mike thought. I didn't know this male harboured ill feelings towards me, this was new info for me. I found myself feeling the same for some mysterious reason. I looked down at the girl who was wrecking my life, making me feel feelings I haven't felt in a long times. Feelings that I shouldn't feel and more. She was rather...pretty but in an interesting way. Her face wasn't quite symmetrical but her eyes made up for it. Her pale skin showed her veins pretty clearly and her voice was like a bell even if I don't listen too closely. I slowly realise that she is staring right back at me, boring into mine. "Did you get contacts?" She blurts out. Was she right to question my sight?  
"No," I almost smiled.

"Oh," She mumbled, "I thought there was something different about your eyes.". I suddenly felt cold. I was not the only one fishing for secrets anymore. She had noticed my eyes turned topaz and not black. I shrugged but my shoulders were stiff and I glared at the direction of the teacher. It might have been a mistake to go hunting, my eye colour had changed. The last time I had glared at her they were as black as night and now they were honey-brown. Another mistake. I could have said I did get contacts and not get in this mess. I sat with humans for hundreds of years and she was the first to examine me closely enough to realise my eyes had changed colours. The other humans would look down as we return their stare but this girl had noticed! Why did it have to be this girl who seen too much?


	8. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

Mr. Banner approached our table. I breathed in the fresh air he had given me as he walked over. I had to breathe in as much before it could mix in with her scent. "So, Edward." He looked over our answers. "Don't you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?" He asked.

"Bella," I corrected him by accident, "Actually, she identified three of the five." I said. Mr. Banner's thoughts were skeptical and surprised at this. He had thought that I would have hogged the microscope to myself and not let her do anything. But also he didn't want to believe we did it so fast and she was one of the reasons why.

"Have you done this lab before?" He asked Bella. I watched them too see what I could fish out.  
"Not with onion root…" She blushed in embarrassment.  
"Whitefish Blastula?" He asked.  
"Yeah.". This had surprised him. He had gotten this practical from an advanced set in Biology and she had done this before but with something different. He nodded thoughtfully at the girl.

"Were you in the advanced placement in Phoenix?" He asked.

"Yes.".

She was advanced then, intelligent for a human. This didn't surprise me because she didn't take long to figure out the differences in me or the answers for today's practical.

"Well," He pressed his lips together, "I guess it's good you two are lab partners.". He then turned away and mumbled, "Now my top student will be tied with another and the others will get a chance to learn!". I doubted that Bella could hear what he had just mumbled to himself. Two mistakes in one hour. I wished I could read her mind because I just had to know what she thought of me. Just how much was she afraid of me? How much did she suspect? I needed to put better effort in so thought of me better.  
"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" I asked her to try for another conversation. A boring topic would be safe so she wouldn't run away or scream. She looked at me and doubt flashed in her eyes. I didn't have to read her mind to know that.

"Not really," She answered.

She was so far away from a bright place, she seemed so much like a vampire but human reeked out of her. The cold must be uncomfortable for her. Living near the woods must be even worse with the drafts coming through every crack and making her shiver at night. My icy touch must have made it worse…  
"You don't like the cold," I guessed.

"Or the wet," She agreed.  
"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live." _Maybe you should go back to where you belong! You should have never come here!_ I wanted to add but these ill feelings were because of her scent and the irritation of not being able to read her mind. If she had left when I said this, was there any guarantee that I wouldn't go after her? And if she left her mind will be forever left a mystery! A constant, nagging puzzle!

"You have no idea," I hadn't expected that. But whatever she had said fascinated me even more and brought even more questions.  
"Why did you come here, then?" I demanded. My tone was as if I was accusing her of theft and it was not the tone you use in a normal conversation. It sounded utterly rude and unwelcoming. I would expect her not to answer after such an outburst.  
" It's… complicated." She found the right words. She wanted to leave it at that but that made me even more curious. The curiosity burned throughout me. It had flushed out the feeling of drinking her blood and the agony of breathing near her. The agony became bearable the more I breathed it in.  
"I think I can keep up," I think common courtesy would press her to go on. She stared down at her hands silently and her silence infuriated me. I wanted so badly to move her head so I can read her eyes. It was a relief when she looked up and spoke the words, "My mother got remarried." She was rushing the words. This was human enough to understand, this had happened many times in the past. Sadness passed through her eyes and kept washing back up.

"That doesn't sound so complex." I said. My voice was gentle because this topic was also. Her sadness made me feel helpless, I wanted to comfort her. Rub her back like a normal human but my temperature would strike her. "When did it happen?".  
"Last September." She exhaled heavily. I held my breath as her hot breath washed over me. It was warm and it made me feel human again for a brief second.

"And you like don't like him," I guessed. Guessing seemed to work more than asking question.

"No, Phil is fine." She corrected me. There was a hint of a smile on her lips, a sad one. Perhaps she was remembering her days back home. "Too young, maybe, but nice enough.". It hadn't quite fit with the scenario I had thought of. I had thought something like her father being utterly rude to her or shouting and her mother wouldn't even notice because of how in love she was.  
"Why didn't you stay with them?" I sounded nosey and curious. I was naturally curious but the nosey bit was new. I hadn't been so engrossed and interested in a human's past.

"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living." She smiled. This choice of career had amused her. Her smiled made me want to smile as well. It was out of my control and I had smiled.

"Have I heard of him?" I ran through every living baseball player I knew to try and find which one was hers…  
"Probably not. He doesn't play _well_." Another beautiful smile-wait what? "Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot.".

I was trying to imagine the new scenario in my head as well as figuring out what I had just thought. "And your mother sent you here so that she can travel with him." I said. Her expression had turned stubborn.  
"No, she did not send me here," She had gotten upset. My assumption had made her like this. I couldn't see how, though. "I sent myself.".

I could not guess what that had meant because she didn't like the environment but came here. I was lost from there. I had to give up. There was no making sense of this girl for her answers would lead to frustration and insanity. Maybe her thoughts and scents weren't the only unusual thing about her.

"I don't understand." I admitted, the hardest thing to do in my life was admitting my weaknesses. My family knew that too well but this girl didn't. She sighed and stared into my eyes, longer than any normal human.  
"She stayed with me at first, but she missed him." She explained slowly. Her voice was covered with guilt.

"It made her unhappy… so I decided it was time to spend quality time with Charlie.". The sadness in her eyes had deepened as well as the feeling of happiness.

"But now you're unhappy." This didn't seem off the mark. Her disliking of the cold and wet things was obvious, sitting next to me, a distrusting friend and attention. I couldn't help but say my polyposis outloud.

"And?" She asked as if it didn't matter. I stared into her eyes, feeling I had finally gotten through to her and her soul. Unlike most humans, her own needs were far down the list.

She was selfless.

She was the opposite of me, my own demon was complimentary to me. That doesn't seem fair," I said. I had to shrug to seem normal and not curious.

She had laughed but there was no amusement in it, "Hasn't anyone told you? Life isn't fair.". I laughed at her words, I knew the unfairness of life all too well.

"I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before.". Her eyes bore into mine and flickered away and back.  
"So that's all," I didn't want to leave the conversation like that. Her sorrow bothered me in more ways than one.  
"You put up a good show." I spoke slowly knowing my next hypothesis might me wrong, "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see.". She made a face, furrowing her eyebrows and a scowl covered her face. She hadn't like that I guessed. She didn't like people looking at her in pain. "Am I wrong?" I asked. She flinched slightly but pretended I wasn't there. It made me smile, "I didn't think so.".

"Why does it matter to you?" She asked as she stared away from me.

"That's a very good question…" I said to myself. The details of her life shouldn't bother me one bit but it did. I wanted to know more but I didn't want to push it. It was wrong for me to care what she thought. She was like the other humans but just a little more fragile than others. My family would look at me weird knowing that I actually cared for her and it would ruin our family reputation here. I relied on extra hearing so much that I had to stoop so low to know her to read her. The girl sighed and glared at the front of the classroom. Her expression was somewhat humorous but this whole this was humorous. No one had been in more danger of me than she is right now. She was irritated because I hadn't given her a real answer yet. "Am I annoying you?" I asked and smiled at myself. She looked at me and her eyes, unwillingly, locked into mine.

"Not exactly," She told me, " I'm annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read-my mother always calls me her open book." She frowned. I stared at her in surprise. She was upset not because I didn't answer her but because I could read her _too easily_.

"On the contrary," I disagreed. I had a strange feeling… scared. There was some danger that I couldn't see. "I find you very difficult to read.".

"You must be a good reader, then." She guessed. She was assuming like me but right on target.

"Usually," I agreed. I smiled and somehow my razor sharp teeth had found it's way to be shown. It was a stupid thing to do. I expected some kind of response from her but nothing. Her body was a little closer to me because of her uncomfortable shuffling during our conversation.

All the little things that triggered fear in humans didn't seem to work on her. She didn't cringe away in horror or flinch at the right things. Surely she should have seen enough of my darker side to realise the danger.


	9. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

Mr. Banner called for the class' attention so I couldn't see the affect of my warning. Her eyes tore away from me and looked at the front of the class. She seemed relieved that he had, maybe he had seen my warning, I hoped. I could not afford to find her interesting. She couldn't afford to be found interesting. But I wanted to talk to her again. I _needed_ to talk to her. I ached to talk to her again. I wanted to know more about her past, present, parents, relationships and more. But every moment I spent with her was a mistake, a risk she shouldn't be forced upon on. As I took another breath she let her hair out as a curtain between us. It was like the first time-A wrecking ball. The pain was surging through my throat and it made me dizzy. I held onto the table so I wouldn't pounce on her. This time had some sort of self control so nothing broke. The monster growled inside of me but it didn't seem he enjoyed the pain that I am going through. I stopped breathing all together and leaned as far as the table it would let me. I couldn't afford to find her interesting. The more interesting I found her, the more likely I was at killing her. I already made two slips today, what happens if I had made a third? One that wasn't minor? As soon as the bell rang I fled. I had destroyed all signs of politeness I had presented in the hour. But i had to get fresh air. I gasped for the fresh air when I got out and it was great. I tried to put some distance between me and the girl. Emmett was waiting for me outside our Spanish class. He read my wild expression for a moment. _How did it go?_ He asked.

"Nobody died," I mumbled.

 _I guess that's something. When I saw Alice ditching there at the end, I thought…_

As we walked into the classroom I read his mind of what happened last lesson for him. Alice walked around to the science department and he looked as if he wanted to join her, which he did. If Alice needed his help, she would ask…

I closed my eyes in horror and disgust, "I hadn't realized it was that close. I didn't think I was going to… I didn't see that it was that bad," I whispered.

 _It wasn't,_ He asked, _Nobody died, right?_

"Right," I said through my teeth, "Not this time.".

 _Maybe it will get easier._

"Sure.".

 _Or, maybe you kill her,_ He shrugged, _You wouldn't be the first to mess up. No one would judge you too harshly. Sometimes a person just smells too good. I'm impressed you've lasted this long._

"Not helping, Emmett.". I was revolted that he didn't have much faith in me or that he accepted that I would kill the girl. Was it the girl's fault that she smelled so good?

 _I know when it happened to me…_

There was a woman taking down dried sheets from the washing line between two apple trees. The scent of apples had been potent and there were rejected apples scattered on the grass. The lawn was mowed freshley and there were stacks of hay near a building, perhaps her house. Emmett walked up the lane, oblivious that the woman was there, on an errand for Rosalie. It was sunset and the sky was a mix of oranges, reds and yellows. The sun overhead was almost gone. A, misfortunate, breeze flew past the sheets and the woman to Emmett's face. Her scent.

"Ah," I groaned out. It was as if he was trying to make me remember the scent and make me hunt the girl down.

 _I know. I didn't last half a second. I didn't even think of resisting._

His memory of biting her came to mind and I jumped to my feet. "Esta bien, Edward?" Senora Goff had asked me. I had seen my face through her mind but I looked far from good. I needed to get out of here.

"Me perdona," I muttered as I darted for the door.

"Emmett-Por favor, puedas tu ayuda a tu hermano?" SHe had gestured towards me, helplessly.

"Sure," I heard him say and he was right beside me. He followed me out the building and put his hand on my shoulder. I shoved his hand away. If he were human, his hand would have broke along with the bones in his arm. "Sorry, Edward.".

"I know." I drew in deep breaths of fresh air. Just remembering her scent would make me smell it.

"Is it as bad as that?" He asked. He tried not to think of the scent of the woman but not quite succeeding.

"Worse, Emmett, worse.". He was quiet for a moment. He was figuring out what I should do.

 _Maybe…_

"No, it would be better if I got it over with. Go back to class, Emmett. I want to be alone,". He had turned away without anything to say or thought back to class. He would tell the teacher I was sick or something. Did it matter what excuse he had to use? Maybe I wasn't going back, maybe I had to leave. I went to my car again to wait for school to end. To hide again. I had turned into such a coward in mere weeks! All of the frightening looks I had given her did nothing but bring her closer! I should have been finding a way of standing her scent or better decisions for my resolve. But I went through voices in the schol. The familiar voices were louder but I wasn't bothered looking into Alice's visions or Rose's complaints. I found Jessica easily but the girl was no where with her at the moment. So I continued to search for other voices. Mike Newton's thought caught my attention. She was in gym with him. He was unhappy because I had spoken to her in Biology today.

 _I've never seen him ever talk to anyone more than a word here or there. Of course he would find Bella interesting. I don't like the way he looks at her. But she didn't seem to excited about him. What did she say? 'Wonder what was with him last Monday?'. Something like that. Didn't sound like she was scared. It couldn't have been much of a conversation..._

He talked himself out of pessimism that way. He was cheered by the idea that Bella didn't take much interest in me. This bothered me so I stopped looking into his thoughts. I put a CD of violent music on and turned it up so it would drown out the other voices. I had to focus on the music very hard so that I wouldn't go drifting back to Mike Newton's thoughts. I cheated myself into listening a few time, though. I called it preparing for the next time we would meet. I didn't want to meet her but I had to know what time she would leave gym and arrive at the parking lot. As the students filed out of gym doors, I got out of the car. The rain was light as it hit me but I didn't really mind.

Did I want her to see me? What if she did see me? What would she do? Speak to me? What was _I_ doing? I didn't move even though I tried to argue myself into the car. I kept my arms folded over my chest and kept my breaths quick and shallow. She was going to towards me. She didn't look at me. She looked up at the sky a few times and glowered at it as if they offended her. I was disappointed, mysteriously, when she went to her truck and didn't look at me. Would she have spoken to me? Would I have spoken to her? She got into her truck that was probably older than her father. I watched her start the engine, making the loudest roar in the lot. She had her hands on the heating vents. Ah, yes. The cold was uncomfortable for her-she didn't like it. She ran her fingers through her mahogany hair. She was drying her hair with the vents I think. I wonder what the inside of her truck smells like, I quickly drew the thought away. She looked both side as she pulled the truck into reverse. She had almost collided with another car. She flinched as she squealed to a stop. She stared at the rear end of the car to check if there was any damage done. She thought she was dangerous. It made me laugh at the fact she thought she was a danger. She drove right past me as I laughed.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

I wasn't thirsty but I decided to hunt again that night. Carlisle came with me, this is the first time we spent time together since I came back from Denali. As we run through the dark forest, he was mesmerizing the farewell. I could see the pain twisting in his face.

" _Edward?"  
"I have to go, Carlisle. I have to go now."  
"What's happened?". He seemed so worried and in pain that I would leave him. Again. I would have failed him if I had stayed so I had to go.  
"Nothing. Yet. But it will, if I stay.". He had reached for my arm but I cringed away.  
"I don't understand."_

" _Have you ever… Has there ever been a time…" I watched myself take a deep breath in. "Has any one person ever smelled better to you than the rest of them? Much better?"_

"" _Oh." . When I had realized her had figured out what I was talking about, my face fell in shame. He reached out to touch me again, ignored what happened last time, and left his hand on my shoulder. "Do what you must to resist, son. I will miss you. Here, take my car. It's faster."._

He was wondering if he had done the right thing sending me away. "No," I whispered as I ran, "That was what I needed. I might so easily have betrayed that trust, if you'd told me to stay." .  
"I'm sorry you're suffering, Edward. But you should so what you must to keep the Swan child alive. Even if it means that you must leave us again.".

"I know, I know.".  
"Why _did_ you come back? You know how happy I am to have you here, but if it's too difficult…".  
"I didn't like feeling like a coward." I admitted, he should know how his own son feels. We had slowed down and were barely jogging through the forest.

"Better than to to put that girl in danger. She'll be gone in a year or two…".

"You're right, I know that." But that made me even more anxious. I might follow her or I might have killed her before she had a time to live. Carlisle had stopped and I stopped: He turned to face me.

 _But you're not going to run, are you?_  
I hung my head.

Is it pride, Edward? There is no shame in-

"No, it isn't pride that keeps me here. Not now.".  
Nowhere to go?

I had to laugh at this, "No. that wouldn't stop me, if I could make myself leave.".

"We'll come with you, if that's what you need. You only have to ask. You've moved on without complaint for the rest of them. The won't begrudge you this.". I had to raise one eyebrow, Rose. "Yes, Rosalie might, but she owes you. Anyway, it's much better for us to leave now, no damage done, than for us to leave later, after a life has ended.". I couldn't help but flinch at his words. He didn't have enough faith in me to believe I had enough self-control.

"Yes," I agreed but I didn't feel the same way.  
But you're not leaving?

"I should." I sighed.

"What holds you here, Edward? I'm failing to see..." He asked me. I truly don't know the answer.

"I don't know if I can explain," It made no sense to me, either. He stared at me for a long while to read my expression.

 _No, I do not see. But I will respect your privacy, if you prefer._

"Thank you. It's generous of you, seeing how I give privacy to no one." With one exception. I was depriving her of her privacy for trying to read her mind.

 _We all have our quirks,_ he laughed again, _shall we?_

He'd caught the scent of a herd of deer. I had to drink the blood of the animals so that I wouldn't pounce on her tomorrow. "Let's." I sighed as I agreed. I knew shoving blood down my throat would only help so little. It wouldn't really help much since it was her scent that drew me to her, as well as not being able to read her mind. Also curiosity drew me to her. Fascination-Stop! We both crouched down and let the unappealing scent pull us forwards.

It was colder when we arrived home. The melted snow had frozen into ice. Thin sheets of ice covered almost everything and it glistened in the star light. Carlisle had gone to get ready for his early shift in the hospital while I sat near the river. I felt swollen from the amount of blood I had drank but it would be worth it, I would be able to sit near her again. I sat motionless while I stared at the water ripple under the darkness. Carlisle was right. I should leave Forks. My family could say some excuse for my absence. Sickness, stayed with an aunty or a teenaged runaway. The story wouldn't really matter much, no one really cared for the Cullen so no one would care for me. It would just be a year or two before I could come back. She could have a life to fulfil. She could go to college, get older, get a job, marry someone. I could picture it. A girl, dressed in white, walking at a measurable pace. She had her father on her right arm with the guests on the pews. A pain shot through me. Was I jealous that she would have a future I would never have? It made no sense. Every human would have the same as her, why would I now be in pain? They all had a life, I would never stop to envy them. I should leave her to her future. Stop putting her in harm's way. It was a right thing to do. Carlisle always done the right thing. I should listen to him now. The sun had begun to rise through the clouds. One more day, I had decided. I wanted to see her one last time. I could handle that and maybe bring up my up coming disappearance. I could feel myself piling on more days on to see her. Two days. Three days, four days…

But I would do the right thing. I should trust Carlisle's advice. I knew that I was too conflicted to choose to do the right thing. Much too conflicted. I went inside for fresh clothes for school. Alice was waiting for me. She sat there on the third step and looked at me like I was gone. I probably will be going if she looked like that.

 _You're leaving again,_ She had accused me. I guess I was right. I would be taking Carlisle's advice after all, then. I sighed and nodded.

 _I can't see where you are going this time,_

"I don't know where I'm going yet," I whispered.

 _I want you to stay,_

I had to shake my head at her.

 _Maybe Jazz and I could come with you?  
_ "They'll need you all the more, if I'm not here to watch out for them. And think of Esme. Would you take half of her family away in one blow?".

 _You're going to make her sad._  
"I know. That's why you have to stay.".

 _That's not the same as having you here, and you know it._

"Yes. But I have to do what's right.".

 _There are many right ways, and wrong ways, though, aren't there?_  
For a moment she was taken away with a vision. I was in the forest in the darkness. I couldn't make out why, though. My face was facing the floor until I looked up to see something. I stepped into the sunlight and my skin glistened. I knew this place, the meadow. It was one of my favourite place. Why would I bring anyone there? There was a figure with me in the meadow but I couldn't make out who. The image shifted once more and again, and again, and again. It switched from one future to another.

"I didn't catch much of that," I said when the vision went dark.  
 _Me either. Your future is shifting around so much I can't keep up with any of it. I_ think, _though._

She tried once more through the many possible futures, she was trying to find something. They were all the same, blurry and dark.

"I _think_ something is changing, though," She said, "Your life seems to be at crossroads.".

I laughed. "You do realize that you sound like a bogus gypsy at a carnival now, right?". She stuck her tongue out at me. "Today is alright, though, isn't it?" I asked.

"I don't see you killing anyone today." She assured me.

"Thanks, Alice.".

"Go get dressed. I won't say anything-I'll let you tell the others when you're ready.". She stood up from her sitting position and darted down the three steps. She slouched her shoulders and thought, _Miss you, really._

Yes, I would miss her also.

It was a quiet ride to school today. Jasper could tell something was wrong with Alice but wouldn't bug her about it. She would tell him if there was he would think. Emmett and Rosalie were having one of their moments, gazing into each other's eyes. It was rather revolting to see from the outside. We were all aware of how in love they were. Maybe I was being bitter because I was the only one alone. Some days would be harder to live with perfectly matched pairs. This would be one of them. Valentine's day would be the worse. They would all go out somewhere to have fun and I would be in my room, listening to music. It would be embarrassing to be all alone. I should have made friends so that I wouldn't be all alone anymore but I couldn't risk that. That was the problem. I cared too much on not revealing ourselves. Maybe they would all be happier without me hanging around. I would be the crabbier one like the old man I was meant to be. Unexpectedly, the first thing I did when we arrived to school was search for the girl. Just to get prepared. Right. It was embarrassing knowing that my universe now revolved around this one girl-rather than myself anymore.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

It was easy to understand why I would be so interested in her. Every day used to be the same and the girl changed everything, why wouldn't I be interested? She had not arrived yet but I could hear the engine of her truck coming from a few miles away. I leaned against the car to wait. Alice had stayed with me for the others had gotten bored of my fascination of this girl. They couldn't understand what tied me to this girl. Why had been so interested in this girl for this long, no matter how delicious she had smelled. The girl drove slowly into view and her hands gripped tight on the wheel. She seemed worried about something. Ah, yes. The ice. They were all driving slowly to make sure they wouldn't make a fatal mistake. I could see she was taking this added risk seriously. This seemed to fit in her little puzzle of who she was. I added it to my list of what I knew of her, she was a serious person and also responsible. She had parked not too far away from me. But she hadn't seen me staring at her, yet. What would she do if she did? Blush and walk away? Maybe stare back? Or come to talk with me? I took a deep breath in for it might happen. She got out of the car carefully and her feet reached the ground. She didn't dare look up yet and it frustrated me. Maybe I would go talk to her…

No, that would be the wrong thing to do. Instead of heading inside to school, she headed to the rear end of her truck. She had held onto the truck as she did, she didn't trust her own footing. It made me smile. I could feel Alice's gaze penetrating me but I didn't care. Maybe she it was because she hadn't seen me smile in a long time, or happy. I was having too much fun watching the girl check her snow chain to read Alice's mind right now. She looked as if she would fall and it would be most likely. Her feet kept sliding on the ice, away from the truck. Maybe she had parked on the worse of the ice. She stared at the tires with an expression, tender? It was if the tire made her _emotional_. The curiosity ached like thirst. It was as if I wanted to know what made her like this, what she was thinking-nothing else mattered. I would go talk to her. She looked like she needed a hand anyways. I could help her off the ice. But if she didn't like the cold. My hand would be worse. I should have worn gloves-

"NO!" Alice had shouted. I instantly looked at her and read her thoughts. Tyler Crowley would be speeding down the ice and he couldn't stop. The van would try to squeal to a stop but would fail. The direction it was going in was at Bella's. I couldn't read all of it since it came to reality.

Tyler's van rounded the corner as I watched the conclusion of the vision. This vision had nothing to do with me but it had _everything_ to do with me. Tyler's van was hitting the ice at the most worst possible angle at the girl who my universe revolved around. Even without Alice's vision, I would have seen the van speeding down the lane to here. The girl looked up to check what was going on. She had heard the screeching of the wheels. She looked up at my horror-struck eyes and then turned to her impending death. _Not her!_ The words echoed through my head. My mind was still locked onto Alice's thoughts. The vision had changed but I couldn't see what it was, I had disconnected myself. I launched myself through the lot and skidded in between the girl and the van. She didn't see me coming, neither did any other human. I had caught her around the waist and pulled her down fast but gently. Her head hit the ice and it felt like I had cracked like the ice itself. I heard the van beside us. Tyler tried to change the direction of the van but it kept pulling towards the girl. It was as if she was a magnet. A word I'd never say in front of a lady came out through my teeth. I had already done too much. As I had ran through the lot a moment ago I knew this would be a mistake. Knowing that this mistake didn't bother me, I didn't care but one thing did. Exposure. She would see me next to her, saving her from a van. She had seen me far away from her. But this didn't matter. I wasn't going to let the van's second attempt of taking her life succeed. I dropped her on one arm and held out the other in the direction of the van. I had stopped the van before it could hit the girl. I could feel the impact of the van hit my hand full force. The van shuddered and shivered from finally stopping. There was a problem. If I let go of the van, it would slide and brake her legs. For the love of God, there was just one problem after the other with this girl! I could hardly lift the car and wait for someone to rescue the both of them. Nor can I throw the van away for there was a driver in there. With a groan I shoved the van away from us in an instant. As it fell towards me, I held it by the frame and drugged her out of the way. Her bod moved limply as I swung her. Was she unconscious? How much damage had brought upon her during my rescue? I let the van drop now that it could hurt her. It crashed onto the pavement and all the glass shattered in unison. I knew I was in a dilemma now. How much had she seen? Had any other witness seen me do this miracle? These questions should be my main concern. But I was horror-struck on how much I might have damaged the girl. I was also too frightened to have her this close. Her body was pressed against mine and her heat transferred into me. The first fear had been the worse. The screaming of the mundanes had begun. I leaned forwards to examine her. I hope she hadn't been bleeding. Her eyes been open in shock. "Bella?" I asked urgently, "Are you alright?".

"I'm fine." She managed to get through.". I was too relieved to know that I had been breathing in her scent, I had welcomed it. She struggled to sit up but I was not ready to let go of her. It felt somewhat… safe.

"Be careful," I had to warn her, "I think you hit you hit your head pretty hard.". There was no scent of blood- thank God- but that did not rule out damage. I had to get her to Carlisle and fast.

"Ow," She had noticed I was right about her head.

"That's what I thought." The relief made me want to laugh, made me feel giddy.

"How in the…" Her voice trailed off, "How did you get over so fast?". The relief had turned sour. She had noticed too much. Now that I knew she was alright, the feeling to protect my family became my main priority, "I was standing right next to you, Bella.". I knew from my experience that I was a very good liar and it would make her question less. She struggled once more and I had let her. I needed to breathe so I could play a better role. I needed some space from her so I could finally breathe in the cold air, not fire. I slid on the ice so it would carry me a distance away. We both stared into each other's eyes. My expression had confused her. The scene was crowded now. There were students trying to see if there were any mangled bodies. I scanned all their thoughts so I could check there were no suspicions. She was distracted by the attention but she was still stunned, scarred for life. She glanced around and tried to get on her feet. I put my hand lightly on her shoulder. "Just stay put for now.". She seemed alright. We need Carlisle. My years of medicine stood no chance again his centuries of working on it.

"But it's cold!" She objected. She had a near death experience and the cold worried her? A short chuckle escaped my lips but then I remembered there was nothing to laugh about. Bella had blinked and her eyes focused on my face, "You were over there.". She glanced towards the south but the grey van blocked her vision. "You were by your car.".

"No, I wasn't.".

"I saw you!" Her voice was childlike when she was being stubborn."  
Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way.". I stared deeply into her eyes. I was willing her to believe me. Her jaw set. "No.". I tried to stay calm and not panic. If I could persuade her that it was all in her head and that she hit her head too hard. Shouldn't it be easy to keep this girl quiet? If she would only trust me, just for a few moments…  
"Please, Bella.". My voice was too intense because I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to trust me so badly, for more reasons than one. A stupid desire.  
"Why?".  
"Trust me," I pleaded, I sounded pathetic.

"Will you promise to explain everything to me later?". I had to lie to her but it hurt too. I needed her trust but lying would only contradict that.

"Fine.".

"Fine." She had echoed in the same tone. I had to get my priorities straight. I scanned the crowd to see if they'd seen anything they shouldn't have. Nothing. Many were surprised to see me, Edward Cullen, beside Bella. Bella was the only one who needed an explanation for how I came here so fast. She had been frightened and traumatised, not to mention a blow on the head. I winced as the thoughts of Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie came to mind, they had just arrived at the scene. There was hell to pay for tonight. There were so many eyes and people struggling to get the van away from us. I would have helped but that would have been too much. Finally they had been able to get the van away from us and an ambulance had come with stretchers. A familiar face came. "Hey, Edward." Brett Warner greeted me. It was a stroke of luck that he had come through to us first. In his thought I looked alert and calm. "Are you OK, kid?".  
"Perfect, Brett. Nothing touched me. But I'm afraid Bella here might have a concussion. She really hit her head when I yanked her out of the way…". Brett turned his attention to the girl, who shot me a look of betrayal. That was right, she hated attention for pain. She had not contradicted my story but followed on. The next nurse who came tried to persuade me into getting treated but I managed not to. I promised I would get my father to examine me. Most humans just needed cool assurance but Bella didn't. Did this girl fit into _any_ normal pattern?

As they put a next brace on her-she flushed in embarrassment-I used this distraction to fix the dent in the van with my foot. Only my siblings had noticed what I had been doing. I heard Emmett's mental promise to catch anything I had missed. Emmett had forgiven me from this mistake. I sat next to Brett at the front and I was relieved. The chief police had arrived just before they could get Bella in the ambulance. Bella's dad was panicked and concern in his thoughts. His mind was in a frenzy. He thought more things faster than I could hear them. When Alice had warned me that killing his daughter would kill him too, she was exaggerating. I hung my head in guilt listening to his panicked tone. "Bella!" He shouted.

"I'm completely fine, Char-Dad." She sighed. "There's nothing wrong with me.". Her assurance barely soothed him. He EMT to demand for information. I tried to read his thoughts but then remembered. He wasn't as silent as Bella but I was slow on catching on. She got it from him. If I listened carefully, I could fish out the secrets of Bella Swan. But Bella had been loaded onto the back by then and the ambulance it's way. But I had to tear myself away from this puzzle to reality. I had to listen if anyone had seen anything bad in every angle. The EMT had not worried about me at all since I looked fine enough. I had to listen if I put my family in danger or not. Bella had sticked to the story I had fed them. My priority was to find my father. We had arrived at the hospital and I took off to find him. I had to also keep an I on Bella. I just had to. I looked through one of the EMT's thoughts to keep tabs on her. It wasn't to difficult to find Carlisle's thoughts. He was in his tiny office room, doing paper work. He was alone as well- my second stroke of luck. "Carlisle.". He had heard my approach and looked alert. He jumped to his feet and his face whiter than usual. He leaned forwards against his neat desk.  
 _Edward-you didn't-_

"No,no, it's not that.".  
He took in a deep breath. _Of course not. I'm sorry I entertained the thought. Your eyes, of course, I should have known…_ He noted my eyes were still golden with relief.

"She's hurt, though, Carlisle, probably not seriously, but-".

"What happened?".  
"A stupid car accident. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I couldn't just stand there-let it crush her-".  
 _Start over, I don't understand,_ Of course he wouldn't. I was a stuttering mess and my words were all over the place.

"A van skidded across the ice," I whispered. I couldn't make eye contact at the state I was in so I looked at the wall directly behind him. He didn't have diplomas like other doctors but oil painting. "She was in the way. Alice saw it coming, but there wasn't time to do any but really _run_ across the lot and shove her out of the way. No one really noticed… except for her. I had to stop the van, too, but again, nobody saw that… beside her. I'm… I'm sorry Carlisle. I didn't mean to put us in danger.", that was hard to say. I never really apologised to anyone. He circled the desk but then put his hand on my shoulder.

 _You did the right thing. And it couldn't have been easy for you. I'm proud of you, Edward._

I then looked at him in the eyes. "She knows there's something… wrong with me.".

"That doesn't matter. If we leave, we leave. What has she said?" He had asked me.

"Nothing yet." I shook my head.  
 _Yet?_  
"She agreed to my version of the events-but she's expecting an explanation.". He frowned as he thought about this. "She hit her head-Well, I did that," I said so he wouldn't question me anymore, "I knocked her to the ground fairly hard. She seemed fine, but… I don't think it will take much to discredit her account.". I felt like a cad saying that. Yes, a cad.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

Carlisle had heard the distaste in my voice. _Perhaps that won't be necessary. Let's see what happened, shall we? It sounds like I have a patient to check on._

"Please," I found myself say, "I'm worried that I hurt her.". His face had then brightened up and he ran his fingers through his hair. His hair wasn't much lighter than his eyes but I could tell the difference. He then laughed.  
 _It's been an interesting day for you, hasn't it?_ In his mind I could see the irony and humour. He was right. In the parking lot when I skidded to save Bella, I had turned from a killer to a protector. But the funny thing was that she needed to be protected from her protector. There was a new edge to my laugh that I couldn't actually understand or read.

I had waited alone in Carlisle's office for an hour, the longest hour of my life. I had spent the time listening to the thoughts of the hospital patients and staff. Tyler-the driver- looked worse than Bella. He had a bandage around his forehead-You could practically see the blood, even in human sight- and he had to use crutches. I guess I was too focused on Bella that I forgot about his injuries until the very end. Bella had just get her X-ray. Carlisle kept to the background because he had to trust the PA's results that she only had been slightly injured. One glance at him, he would remind Bella of me. She would know something was off about my family since she can pick up things more easier and faster than normal humans. She had a willing partner to talk with, though she didn't like that fact. Tyler was consumed by guilt and kept apologising to her. He couldn't get over the fact that he almost killed her. I could see through his mind that Bella's eyes wished he could stop. He couldn't see that but why? There was a tense moment when he had asked her how she had gotten out of the way so fast. I had to wait for her answer and I didn't breathe.

" _Um…"_ He heard her say. She had paused for so long that Tyler thought that the question had confused her. Of course, he would think that. He thought that she had some short-term memory loss. _"Edward pulled me out of the way."_ , I exhaled. Then my breath spiked up at the thought of her saying my name. I like the way it sounds- even through Tyler's eyes, it sounded perfect. I just wanted to hear her say my name in person…  
 _"Edward Cullen,"_ She had said when Tyler didn't realize who she had spoken of. I found myself at the door with my hand on the knob. My desire to see her had grown at an expense. I had to remind myself of self-control. I was too eager.  
 _"Cullen?" Huh. That was weird. "I didn't see him." I could sworn… "Wow, it was all so fast, I guess. Is he okay?".  
"I think so. He's here somewhere, but they didn't make him use a stretcher."._

I saw the suspicion in her eyes tighten. These little changes didn't seem to bother Tyler, actually, he hadn't noticed it. _She's pretty,_ he thought, _Even all messed up. Not my usual type, still… I should take her out. Make up for today…_

I was at the hallway by then, halfway to the emergency room. I hadn't realized I had done it until then. I had done it without thinking, by reflex. Luckily, the nurse had gone in before I had. Bella had to get her X-ray done. I hid in a dark corner and kept really still with no breathing. It was easy enough. I had to hide many times in my life so this was no different. I watched as they wheeled her away. It didn't matter that Tyler had thought she was pretty, but it did. I had felt pain in so many ways before in more ways than one but this was new and it hurt worse. But anyone would notice she was pretty, even I did. There was no reason to feel so… so … so what exactly? What was this feeling? How _did_ I feel? Annoyed? Angry felt somewhat closer to the truth, was it? None of this made sense to me. I had stayed in my little hiding spot but impatience had gotten the best of me. I walked around the radiology back and forth to spend the time. She had already been taken back to the ER but I had to see the results. I decided to take a peek when the nurse had her back turned. I was relieved. She was alright. I hadn't hurt her, not that bad. Carlisle had caught me there. _You look better,_ he had thought. I looked straight ahead, there were visitors. _Ah, yes, He showed me her results but I didn't, I see. She's absolutely fine. Well done, Edward._

The approval wouldn't be worth much when he found out what I was going to do. At least, if he knew my real motives…

"I think I'm going to go talk to her-before she sees you," I murmured. "Act natural, like nothing happened. Smooth it over." All acceptable reasons. He nodded as he looked at the results more closely. "Good idea. Hmm.". I had to see what kept his interest on the sheet.

 _Look at all the healed contusions! How many time did her mother drop her?_ He started to laugh at his own joke.  
"I'm beginning to think the girl just has really bad luck. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time."

 _Forks is certainly the wrong place for her, with you here._

I flinched at his words, ow!

 _Go ahead. Smooth things over. I'll join you momentarily._

I walked away quickly. I had felt guilty. I had to be too good of a liar if I could fool Carlisle. When I got to the ER, Tyler had been mumbling apologies to Bella. She was trying to escape his guilt by pretending to sleep. Her eyes were closed but her breathing was uneven.

Now and then, her fingers would twitch in irritation. I stared at her face for a long moment through the place I stood, no one could actually see me. This was the last time I would see her. That fact triggered a major aching feeling in my chest. Was it because I hated leaving a puzzle unfinished? But that didn't make any sense. Finally, I took a deep breath in and came into view. When Tyler seen me he started to speak but I put my index finger over my lips to indicate him to stop talking. "Is she sleeping?" I had to ask. Bella's eyes flutter open and slowly focused on my face. They widened and narrowed in anger and suspicion. I had to play a role so I smiled at her-though I think it ended up as a smirk-and acted as if nothing had happened except the blow on her head. "Hey, Edward," Tyler began, "I'm really sorry-". I raised one hand to make him halt.  
"No blood, no foul," I said. I had just realized I had made a joke and smiled widely at it. I don't have blood so he wouldn't have anything to worry about. It was amazingly easy to ignore Tyler-who was covered in blood. I never known how Carlisle did it. Wouldn't the constant temptation be… dangerous? But, now… Now I understand. If I concentrated on something else, I would hardly know it was there. The fresh blood of Tyler's held no candle to Bella's. I kept my distance from her so I sat at the foot of Tyler's bed. "So, what's the verdict?" I asked her. Her lower pushed out a bit and I could swear that her cheeks flushed really lightly in embarrassment.  
"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go. How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?". Her impatience matched mine and it made me smile. I could hear father in the hallway in the distance.  
"It's all about who you know," I said, "But don't worry, I came to spring you.". I watched her reaction as Carlisle came through the doors. She raised her eyebrows and blinked a few times as her mouth opened a bit. I had to groan, she had noticed the resemblance

"So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?" He asked. He had a soothing voice that would calm down anyone, even when they had a near death experience. It had worked. But I really hadn't a clue what effect it had.

"I'm fine," She said in a quiet voice. Carlisle clipped on her results to the light board.  
"Your X-ray looks good. Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard.". She sighed, getting attention again.  
"I'm fine.". Impatience had passed in her voice, this was probably the result of Tyler's constant nagging. She then glared at me. Carlisle ran his fingers through hair on her scalp until he found a bump. I was caught off guard by the waves of emotions hitting me. I knew that Carlisle had worked with humans for many years. I had once assisted him in his work years ago but this was different. He was working with the girl I had revolved around but she was going to be fine. I was jealous of his self-control, knowing that he didn't care much for blood in his line of work. But there was more. I envied the difference between my father and I. He would touch the girl, gently, without any fear and could still touch her. She winced and I had twitched in my seat, I was worried. I had a role to play so I had to control it so I stayed still. "Tender?" Father asked.  
"Not really." Another thing for her puzzle and my list, she was brave. She didn't like to show any sign of weakness. She was possibly the most vulnerable creature I had ever seen but she didn't want to be weak. A small laugh escaped my lips. She shot me a glare.  
"Well," Carlisle said, "Your father is in the waiting room-you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all.". Her father was here? I swept through the thoughts in the hospital and found one concealed thought, her father, definitely.  
"Can't I go back to school?". Most people would pounce at the idea to skip school but this girl…

"Maybe you should take it easy today," Father suggested.  
"Does _he_ get to go to school?" Her eyes flickered over to me. Act normal… smooth things over… forget the feeling when she looks you in the eye… forget the feeling of- Aahh!  
"Someone has to spread the good news that we had survived," I said.  
"Actually," Carlisle corrected, "Most of the school seems to be in the waiting room. I waited for her response- her hate on attention should not disappoint me.  
"Oh no!" She moaned. She had her hands on her face. I liked that I finally got it right, I'm starting to understand her. The more I fill in the puzzle, the easier it gets.

"Do you want to stay?" Carlisle asked.  
"No, no!" She said quickly. She swung her legs over to the side of the mattress. She lowered her feet until it reached the ground. She staggered forwards and Carlisle caught her and steadied her. Again, envy flooded me but for another reason. "I'm fine," She said before father could say anything else. She gently let herself go from my dad but he helped her to balance.  
"Take some Tylenol for the pain," He instructed.  
"It doesn't hurt that bad.". Carlisle smiled as he signed her chart.

"It sounds like you were extremely lucky,". She turned her head to face me.  
"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me," She was actually lying for me.  
"Oh, well, yes," Carlisle agreed quickly. He had heard the suspicion slowly leaking into her voice.  
 _All yours,_ Carlisle thought, _Handle it as you seem best._  
"Thanks so much," I said. It was barely audible for humans. Carlisle smiled a bit at my sarcasm.  
"I'm afraid _you'll_ have to stay with us a little bit longer," He said to looked at his bandages and his other injuries. Well, I had made a mess of things. I hadn't really thought of the aftermath properly, had I? Bella moved closer to me and wouldn't stop until she was a few inches away from me.

I remembered in all the of this mayhem that I wished she would come talk to me and she had…  
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" She hissed at me. Her breath waded towards my face and I staggered back one step. Every time I was with her and smelled her scent, it had triggered my worst instincts. But, fortunately, my mind was stronger than my body. Just by a bit.

"Your father is waiting for you," I reminded her. She glanced towards Tyler and Carlisle. Tyler had no intention on paying attention to us but father was monitoring my every breath.

 _Carefully, Edward…_

"I'd like to speak to you alone, if you don't mind." She said in a low voice. I wanted to tell her I did mind and come up with an excuse. But she didn't give me much of a choice and I knew it would have to come to this someday. I stalked out of the room and I could hear her in the background to try and keep up with me. I had to put on a show- be rude and be the villain. I would have to lie to her and disappoint her. It went all against all my human feeling and impulses- the feelings I had clung onto all these years. I used to want trust from her but by doing this I would have had destroyed all traces of it. It made it even worse that this would be the last memory she would have of me. This would be me saying farewell. I turned on her. "What do you want?" I said coldly. SHe cringed away in disgust of my hostility. Her eyes had surprise in it.  
"You owe me an explanation," She reminded me. Her voice was quiet and slightly less confident. It was very hard to keep my voice quiet.  
"I saved your life-I don't owe you anything.". She flinched away and it hurt to watch her be in pain by _my_ words.

"You promised," She whispered.

"Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about.". I think I made it look like she was insane.  
"There's nothing wrong with my head." She was angry now. I didn't want her to be angry at me but it was easier to sound cold to her this way. I met her glare and made mine worse.  
"What do you want from me, Bella?".  
"I want to know the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you.", I see. She's got fed up. It was fair to tell her but it infuriated me to deny her.  
"What do you think happened?" I nearly growled. Her words came out in a rush.  
"All I know is that you weren't anywhere near me-Tyler didn't see you, either, so don't tell me I hit my head too hard. The van was going to crush us both- and it didn't, and your hands left dents in the side of it- and you left a dent in the other car, and you're not hurt at all- and the van should have smashed my legs, but you were holding it up…" Suddenly her eyes were glistening with unshed tears and she clenched her teeth. I stared at her, my face was defensive.

"You think I lifted the van off you?" I asked as if she was scary. She nodded stiffly and her jaw tightened. My voice grew more mocking.  
"Nobody will believe that, you know?". She made an effort to control her anger. When she spoke, her words we slow.  
"I'm not going to tell anybody." It looked as if her voice was slow from irritation. She had meant it, I could see it in her eyes. Even furious and betrayed, she would keep a secret for me. But why? For half a second, it took me by surprise and messed up my expression. I quickly recomposed myself.

"Then why does it matter?" I asked.  
"It matters to me," She said intently, "I don't like to lie- so there better be a good reason why I am doing it.". She was asking me to trust her like I did earlier. But this is a line I could not cross. My voice stayed cruel.  
"Can't you just thank me and get it over with?".  
"Thank you," She sounded irritated and didn't seem like she meant it but she did.  
"You're not going to let it go, are you?".  
"No.".  
"In that case…" I didn't want to break a promise. I didn't want this to be the last words I say to her… I didn't want her to be the reason I exposed my family… I didn't want… I'd rather her make up a story so I wouldn't have to tell her- anything would be better than the truth. I was living a nightmare. "I hope you enjoy disappointment.". We scowled at each other and it was odd in some way. Her anger was kind of cute. Like a kitten trying to be a tiger. She flushed pink before asking her next question.  
"Why did you even bother?". That was the one question I wasn't prepared for. I felt my mask dissipate and I lost control of the role I was playing. I told her-this one time-the truth.  
"I don't know.". I mesmerised her face one last time. Her face was fumed with anger and betrayal. I then walked away.

 _Goodbye, Bella…_


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

I went back to school. This was the least suspicious thing I could do. By the end of the day, almost all the students had returned from the waiting room. Just Tyler, Bella and a few others were left. The others were probably using the incident an excuse to ditch school. It was hard for me. I felt like part of me was missing. I had to ignore the yearning to ditch school as well to go search for the girl. I was becoming a stalker. An obsessed stalker. A vampire, obsessed stalker. School was as mundane as a week ago. It was as if the colours had drained from the world. I stared at the cracks in the world. There was another tight thing I should be doing… but I wasn't. But it was also the wrong thing to do. It was all about the perspective. From the perspective of a Cullen- not a vampire but the family itself- the right thing would be:

" _I'm surprised to see you in class, Edward. I heard you were involved in that awful accident this morning.".  
"Yes, I was, Mr. Banner." I would give him a friendly smile. "But I was the lucky one of the incident. I wish I could say the same for Bella and Tyler, though.".  
"How are they?"  
"I think Tyler is… just some superficial scrapes from the windshield glass. I'm not sure about Bella, though." A worried frown. "She might have a concussion. I heard she was delirious for a while- thinking things that weren't real. I know the doctors were worried…" _

That was meant to happen, it was what I owed to my family after the way I behaved for the past fortnight. "I'm surprised to see you in class, Edward. I heard you were involved in that awful accident this morning.".  
"I wasn't hurt." I didn't smile, I was doing it all wrong.  
"Do you have any idea how Tyler Crowley and Bella Swan are?" He asked as he looked up.  
"I wouldn't know…" I shrugged, where was this coming from? He cleared his throat.  
"Er… right…" My cold stare was making him uncomfortable. He quickly walked back to the front of the classroom. I seemed so rude and cruel. I was too worried about my behaviour. Bella was asking for trust, but what did I do? Lie to her. Lying made my feelings worse and it wasn't healthy for me to lie to her. I replayed the same conversation many times, even through my next class, Spanish. Emmett gave me a long stare as I was thinking.

 _I hope you have a good explanation for what happened today. Rose is on the warpath._

I rolled my eyes. I actually had a very good lie for them. But what happened if I _hadn't_ stopped the van…? If she ended up mangled? Bleeding? Dead? The blood spilled on the floor and I wouldn't be able to control myself. I shuddered. In fear and desire. That would be my excuse. If she had been crushed, I would have exposed them all.  
 _Look out for Jasper,_ Emmett went on, _He's not as angry but more… resolved._  
I thought I would choke.  
 _SHEESH, EDWARD! GET A GRIP!_ Emmett shouted in my head. His hand found it's way to my shoulder. He was using his strength to hold me down. He rarely used his full strength. But he used it now. He wasn't pushing me down but gripping on me. If he was pushing me down. The chair would have collapsed. _EASY!_ He ordered. I tried to calm down but it was too hard.  
 _Jasper's not going to do anything until we talk. I just thought you should know the direction he's heading._

I concentrated on relaxing and I felt his grip loosen.

 _Try not to make_ more _of a spectacle of yourself. You're in enough trouble as it is_.

I took a deep breath in as he let go of me. I scanned the class to see if anyone had seen. Only the people behind Emmett noticed but didn't know what to make of it so they shrugged it off. The Cullens were freaks- everyone knew that.  
 _Damn, kid, you're a mess._ Emmett added, his tone had sympathy in it.

"Bite me," I muttered under my breath and heard him chuckle. Emmett didn't hold grudges and I ought to be grateful. If he had, I would be six feet under by now. But I could see Jasper's intentions. Jasper had been using his power to make me feel his rage. And it had simmered down, just barely in control. Emmett had been stronger than me but was yet to win a wrestling match against me. He claimed because I was cheating. But me having to read his mind matched his strength. We were evenly matched in battle. A fight? Was this where it was heading? Was I going to fight my _family_ over a girl I hardly knew? I thought for a second. Her fragile body against mine in the car crash…  
I would definitely fight for her. Even against my family. I shuddered. It wouldn't be fair to leave her undefended. I couldn't win alone. I needed help. Carlisle would help. He didn't like to fight but he would fight against the unjust feelings of Rose and Jasper. That would help…  
Esme, no. She wouldn't want to go against me or her husband. But she wouldn't fight against the rest of her family, she would want her family in tact. She gave us all love and wouldn't stop.

Alice, I don't know. It would depend on which side she would see winning. She would side with the winner, I would imagine. So I was nearly alone. But I would still fight for her. I wouldn't let her get hurt because of rage dulled with humour. How would the girl react to me kidnapping her? I couldn't guess her right reaction but the only one I could think of was fear. But I couldn't be able to stand being too close to her. Maybe I could deliver her back to her mother, away from my family. It would be for her. For me. If I were to kill her by accident… I can't be sure of how much pain I would feel. But I knew it would be worse than death. Time passed quickly as I mulled over these thought. About the argument ahead. About the conflict it would cause in the aftermath. About the lengths I would go to. The bell had rung and me and we went to the car. He was worried about me and worried about Rosalie. We were a very quiet group so I can hear the shouting clearly. _Idiot! Lunatic! Moron! Jackass! Selfish , irresponsible fool!_ Rosalie kept up. Emmett was right about Jasper. Alice kept looking at his future but no matter what, it ended up at him killing the girl. I was also there, blocking him. No one else was with him so he planned to work alone on that. That would be easy for him. He was the most experienced fighter at of all of us. My only advantage would be to read his mind before he makes the move. I never had a serious fight with Emmett or Jasper-just horsing around. I felt sick at the thought of hurting Jasper. Not just that, to block him as well. I concentrated on Alice but her vision shifted. I was stopping him earlier.  
 _Stop that, Edward! It can't happen this way. I won't let it!_

I didn't answer but kept watching. She looked further into the future with unknown possibilities. It was all shadowy and vague.

The entire ride home was silent, except for Rose's thoughts. I was glad that father was home because he would finally break this eerie silence. But it would be explosive and I wanted him there. We went straight to the dining room. It was never used for the purpose of food for we don't eat. But it was furnished as a grand dining room. An oval table with chairs surrounding it. The lights were dim and setted a mood in the room. The table and chairs were made of oak. Carlisle like to use it as a meeting room when things got too out of hand. It was necessary to sit down and talk calmly. I had a feeling this would not be the case, today. Carlisle sat at the head of the table and next to him was his wife, Esme. They both held hands on top of the table. Esme's eyes were on me and they were full of concern.

 _Stay_. It was her only thought. I wish I could smile at her but at this moment in time, it would be bad to smile. I sat on the other side of Carlisle. Esme reached across the table, with her free hand, and got a hold of mine. She didn't know what was about to go down but was worried about me. Father had a better sense of what was happening. His lips were pressed against each other and his forehead was creased. The expression looked too old for his face. Rosalie sat across from Carlisle and Emmett sat besides her. She kept glaring at me all the way through. Jasper hesitated but leaned against the wall of Rose's side. My teeth locked together. Alice had been the last to come in. Her eyes were focused on something distant, the distant future. Without seeming to know it, she sat next to Esme. She rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache. Jasper twitched because he wanted to go to her but kept his distance. I took in a deep breath-I had to start this. "I'm sorry," I said and looked at the people against me, "I didn't mean to put any of you at risk. I was thoughtless, and I take full responsibility for my hasty action.".  
"What do you mean 'take full responsibility'? Are you going to fix it?" Rosalie glowered at me.

"Not the way you mean," I said, I working a quiet voice that would make them synthesise with me, "I'm willing to leave now, if that makes things better." _If I believe that the girl will be safe, if I believe that none of you will touch her._ I ammended in my head. It was the utter truth. I wanted her to be safe.  
"No," Esme murmured, "No, Edward."

I tightened my grip on her hand, "It's just for a few years.".  
"Esme's right. Leaving is the opposite of helpful. We have to know what the people are thinking more now than ever."

"Alice will catch anything that's out of the ordinary!" I retorted.  
"I think… Emmett is right. You leaving might finally make her talk. Either we all leave or none of us."

"She won't say anything!" I said quickly. I knew that very well, she was too shy. I could sense that Rose was building up to an explosion.

"You don't know her mind," Carlisle countered.

"I know this much. Alice, back me up."

Alice stared up slowly, "I can't see what will happen if we just ignore this.". She couldn't see it because Jasper and Rose were so against it. Rosalie smacked her palm on the oak table and stood up with her eyes closed. She opened them up and said, "We can't allow the human a chance to say anything. Carlisle, you must be able to see that! One thing could lead to another! We live so differently than others. They would point fingers at us!".

"We've left rumours behind many time before!" I reminded her.  
"Rumours aren't the same as evidence and eyewitnesses."

"Evidence!" I laugh. Jasper began to nod.  
"Rose-" Carlisle began.  
"Let me finish! Eddie left evidence behind that could be fatal! The mortal hit her head but I wouldn't have done that!" Rosalie shrugged.  
"Eddie?" Everyone asked.  
"Yes, we all know how good of an assassin you are!" I snarled. She hissed at me and she was fuming.

"We won't be killing the Swan girl, Edward. Those men you killed for revenge, Rosalie, were OK to kill because they had wronged you monstrously. But this girl, Isabella, is innocent.".

"It's not personal but this is to protect all of us." Rose said through her teeth. Father thought for a moment for his decision, he nodded. Rose's eyes lit up because she had gotten her way. She should have known better. Carlisle had compromised.  
"Rose, I understand what you are saying. Thank you for trying to protect us but to murder an innocent child? Whether she speaks or not doesn't hold a candle to the greater risk." Carlisle said.  
"There is a name for this and it's called 'irresponsible'.".  
"It's called 'being a hero'. Every life is precious.". Rose sat down and Emmett patted her back.  
"It'll be fine, Rose."  
"The question is, should we stay?" Carlisle asked.

"No, I don't want to start sophomore year! We just got settled in!" Rose moaned.

"You could keep your current age, of course." Carlisle said.  
"And to move too soon? I _like_ it here! The sun hardly shows up and we are almost _normal_!" She countered.  
"Well, we don't have to decide now. We can wait until it seems necessary. Edward seems hard on the idea that the girl won't speak."

Rosalie snorted. I was no longer worried about Rose, I was was focused on Jasper. He had been quiet all the way through the conversation. He worked at a combat zone before he had met Alice. He knew the aftermath of not following rules-he had seen them through his own eyes. He didn't try to side with Rosalie or rile her up. He seemed too focused on killing Bella.  
"Jasper!" I said. He met my gaze, "She won't pay for my mistake. I won't allow it.".  
"She should have died today, Edward, if you hadn't interfered. I would set the balance right.".  
" _I won't allow it._ " I emphasised every words. His eyebrows shot up. He hadn't imagined I would stop him.  
"I won't allow Alice to live in danger. I do not care if you had read my memories or not but you hadn't _lived_ through it. You do not understand!" He growled.  
"I'm not saying that, Jasper. I'm just saying I won't let you hurt Isabella Swan or get in a five mile radius of her if I have to." I snarled. We stared at each other for a long time.  
"Jazz." Alice had said.  
"Don't say that you don't need protecting, Alice. I know that but-" Jasper said.  
"No, I want you to do me a favor." I saw what was on her mind.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

" _Alice! Wait up!" Bella ran after Alice. They were in a sunny place full of sun but Alice didn't seem to care. Alice had stopped to turn around and laughed as Bella almost tripped over her own feet. Bella had caught up to her and pouted at her. "You're my best friend, Bella!" Alice laughed as she swung her white arm around her neck. She wasn't going to hurt her but bring her into a hug. Bella giggled as she hugged her back by the waist._

A gasp escaped my lips but I was too shocked by the vision. I stared at Alice in shock but everyone stared at us, waiting. "I know you love me, Jasper but I would want her to live. Edward's serious and I don't want you two to fight. Also, she is going to be my friend. At least, she's _going_ to be." Alice said. The vision was rock solid but the time was unsure.

"But… Alice…"Jasper gasped. I couldn't tear away from Alice's mind to hear his.  
"I'm going to be her best friend one day. I'll be very put off if she dies.". She looked into the future again. "Ah," She said, "See? Bella's not going to speak. There's nothing to worry about." She said. The way she said her name… sounded as they were already best friends…

"Alice," I choked out, "What… does this…?"  
"I told you there was going to be a change, Edward." Alice locked her jaw. She was keeping something from us, and it would be important. Her mind was focused on Jasper so she would not think about it. She was definitely hiding something.  
"Alice! What are you hiding?" I demanded. I heard Emmett grumble. He hated these kind of conversations that Alice and I do. She shook her head to keep me out.  
"Is it about the girl? Is it about Bella?"

When I spoke Bella's name, she slipped. Her slip didn't last long but I long enough so I could see. "NO!" I yelled. I heard my chair fall backwards and then I had realized I was on my feet.  
"Edward!" Carlisle was also on his feet and he had his hand on my shoulder. I didn't realise he was there.  
"It's solidifying," Alice whispered, "Every minute, you're more decided. It's one or the other, Edward." I couldn't accept it.  
"No," I said in denial. My legs were shaking in fear and I had to hold onto the table so I wouldn't run off.  
"Will someone _please_ let the rest of us on in the mystery!" Emmett yelled.  
"I have to leave," I muttered.  
"Edward, we've just been through it! If you go, she talks!" Emmett said loudly.  
"I don't see you leaving. I don't think you _can_ leave." Alice leaned back on her chair. _Think about it,_ she added silently, _think about leaving._

I saw what she had meant. Yes, it had pained me to think about leaving her.  
 _If you leave, Jasper would-_  
"Stop! He isn't thinking that!". Jasper didn't want to do anything that would hurt Alice so he wouldn't hurt Bella.  
Not right now but will you risk her life? Leave her undefended?  
"Why are you doing this to me?" I whispered and my head fell into my hands. I was not Bella's protector. I was the opposite! Couldn't she see it with the crossroaded vision?  
 _I love her, too. Or I will. It's not the same but I still want her around._  
"Love her, _too_?" My eye twitched. She sighed.

 _Are you that blind, Eddie? Can't you see where you're headed? It's as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow! See what I see…_

I shook my head. "No," I said. I tried to shut out the vision she was showing me. I almost put my hands over my ears and yelled 'la la la!'. "I don't have to follow any of those courses! I'll leave! I'll change the future!"

"You can try," Her voice was doubtful.  
"Oh, _come on_!" Emmett groaned.  
"Pay attention!" Rose hissed at him, "Alice sees him falling for a _human_! That's so Edward!" She made a gagging sound.  
"What?" Emmett blinked in surprise. His booming laugh filled in the silence. "Is that what's been going on? Tough break, Eddie!" He had his hand on my shoulder. I shook it off.  
"Stop calling me that!" I groaned.  
"Fall for the girl? The one he saved today? Fall in _love_ with her?" Esme asked.  
"What do you see, Alice? Exactly?" Jasper asked. She turned to face him but I kept my eye on her still.  
"It all depends on whether he is strong enough or not. Either he would kill her-" She glared at me-"which would _really_ irritate me, Edward. It would also make a huge impact on you, Edward." She faced back to Jasper, "Or she'll be one of us, someday."  
Someone gasped but I didn't dare look for who it was.  
"That's not going to happen!" I yelled again, "Either one!".  
"It all depends on how strong he is. He might not kill her but it would be so close. It would an amazing amount of self control," She mused, "More than Carlisle's. The only thing he's not strong enough to do is to stay away from her. That's a lost cause.". I couldn't find my voice and no one else could, either.

I stared at Alice and I could see my horrified face in five different points of views. After a long moment, Carlisle sighed. "Well, this… complicates thing."  
"I'll say," Emmett agreed. His voice was really close to laughter. Trust Emmett to find a joke in the destruction of my life.  
"I suppose the plans remain the same, though," Carlisle said thoughtfully, "We'll stay. Watch. No one would hurt the girl."

I stiffened.  
"No," Jasper said quietly, "I can agree to that. If Alice sees-"  
""NO!" My voice was not a shout or a growl or a cry of despair. I think it was all of the three. "NO!". I had to leave, to be away from their thoughts. The worst thing of all of this was that Esme was happy for me. I stalked out of the room. Esme touched my arm as I passed but I didn't acknowledge it. I was running before I left the house. I raced into the forest and the rain was back- how cliché. It was falling so heavily I got drenched in a matter of moments. I liked the rain- it made a wall between me and the world. It let me be alone. I ran east. Past all the obstacles in my way. I had found Seattle. I had stopped at the border of the civilization. I reflected at what I had done. I had humiliated my future. First, Alice's vision of them being the best of friends. Bella's eyes still had secrets within them but happy ones. She was not scared of Alice's cool touch. What did it mean? Did she _know_? What did she think of _me_? And the other image. It was so similar but shocking. Her eyes were red-she was a newborn-and her skin was pale. They were so much alike in the image. Her face was happy and immortal. I shuddered. What did this mean? How did it happen? What did she think of me in that moment? I could answer the last one. I had brought her into the undead and immortality. Surely, she would hate. But there was another horrible image. I was there with my red eyes after feasting on Bella. Her body was in my arms, motionless. Lifeless. I couldn't bare it. I tried to banish it from my mind. The monster in me cried with glee that the likelihood of it winning was pretty high. It sickened me. There had to be another way. I didn't want Alice's vision direct me. I could choose another path. There's always another choice. There had to be.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Chapter Fourteen**

High school. Purgatory? Not any longer, living hell. I felt the fire burning me but it felt icily cold. Hell is cold, what a surprise. I was doing the right thing now. To please my family, I had returned. I hunted the same as the others now and I attended school everyday. EVeryday I would listen to the thoughts of the students and nothing had changed. The girl had stuck with the story that I had saved her. She didn't say anything that would make her look crazy or put my family in danger. Her eager listeners had gotten bored of the story that I had pulled her out of the way. There was no danger and no one suspected us. My hasty action had no harm on anyone. Anyone but me. I was determined to change the future. To stop the girl into dying or turning into one of us. It wasn't the easiest goal one could set himself but I was going to do it. It was a choice I had to live with him. Alice had said I wouldn't be strong enough to stay away from her. I would prove her wrong. It hurt me to know that the girl would be hurt but her pain would only be a candle in front of my sun. The girl was human and she knew something was wrong with me. She would be more happy to know that I wouldn't speak to her again. She wouldn't be wounded in the slightest. It was Biology and I turned my face away, she doesn't exist anymore. "Hello, Edward." She'd greeted me. Her voice was friendly and happy. She was in a good mood and I would have to bring it down. What did the change mean? Did she forgot what had happened? Had she decided it was a bad dream? The questions burned as I breathed in the air she brought towards me. Just one look in her eyes wouldn't hurt. No, I can't. I moved my chin an inch closer to her and just nodded. She did not speak to me again. That afternoon I ran towards Seattle again. Did I really fall in love with her? I don't think so. Not yet. But I can see how easy it would be to fall for Bella. Her name had a nice ring to it (Ha!) and she was down to earth. It was exactly as falling: effortless. Not letting myself fall in love was her was climbing up a cliff. I had no more than human strength and I could _fall_ any moment. My hands had a tight grip on but not tight enough.

It had been a week and we were to do a practical with the bunsen burners. She got up silently and went to each cabinet to get the equipments. She didn't really give me enough to do. She put up the tripod without a word and but the beaker on top. I reached for the thermometer and quickly put it in the beaker. I then noticed she even filled the beaker with water. I guess, she didn't want me to do anything. She set up the bunsen burner and placed it under the tripod. She sat down as we waited for the teacher to get the lighter. Mr. Banner set the bunsen burner alight. She had the tongs in her hand. She picked up a cracker and burned it and checked the temperature. She changed the water and shoved the tongs to me as she wrote her answer down. She was really ignoring me. Better than I was doing. We did the practical in silence and I had to put the things away. Her scent waded towards me but I tried to ignore it but i couldn't. It's getting harder by the day.

More than a month had passed and it had been really hard. It made no sense-I kept waiting for it to get over it and make it easier. This must have been what Alice had meant. She had seen the escalation of the pain but I could handle pain. I would not destroy her future. If I was destined to love her, the least I could do was avoid her. Avoiding her was the most I could bear. I could pretend she didn't exist. Ignore her. Never look her way. Pretend I had no interest in her. But that was how high I could go. Pretend and not reality. I still hung onto her every breath, every word she had said. My torment had four categories now. Her scent and her silence we the two most familiar ones. Then came the thirst and curiosity. If I had to rank them, my thirst would go first. I had a habit of not to breathe during Biology. But when I had to speak to answer, I would have to breathe. Every time I had to speak, I would taste the air around the girl. It was like the first day-a wrecking ball. Like I said, living hell. Fire covering every part of me until I died. But it wouldn't stop until it got rid of everything. Just like that, the monster would roar. It was so close to the surface. But curiosity was a close second. I had to know: _What was she thinking now?_ When I heard her sigh I would think about it. When she would twirl her hair around her finger. She she dropped her books on the desk with more force. When she rushed into class late. When she tapped her foot on the floor impatiently. Each movement that was caught in my peripheral vision as a mystery only she knew about. Was she speaking her thoughts or what she thought she would say? She often sounded as if she had to say what her audience expected. This reminded me of what my family had been doing for centuries. We had a role to play but what role did she have to play? She was a human-one of them. I would look through Mike Newton's thoughts and sight to listen to Bella. He kept her talking and opened secrets that I could never do. That was just it. I wanted to be the one who unlocked her secrets. His thoughts were aggravating me and annoying. It helped that he hadn't noticed her little slips. He knew nothing about her. He was a dog nipping at her. She would try to get away from him but he had haunted her and never stopped. He had created a Bella in his head-a girl just like him. He hadn't realized the selfishness of his action, yet. He had put her on the top of hit list. He didn't hear the way she talked about her mother. She sounded more like the mother. He hadn't noticed the way she tried to get out of the conversation. He hadn't noticed the impatience in her voice when he was rambling on. Through Mike's eyes I could see the most rarest thing of humans to add to my list, it was so obvious. Bella as _good_. It all added up. The puzzle was almost solved. She was good to the core. But looking through his eyes didn't help. The way he was overprotective about her provoked me. His wild fantasies didn't help. He seemed more confident in her. It seemed she had chose him through all his rivals-Tyler Crowley, Eric Yorkie and, surprisingly, myself. Before class, he would in my space to talk to her. They would laugh and smile. Just smiles, I would tell myself. All the more, I would imagine pinning him to the all by the throat… It probably wouldn't hurt him… fatally…  
Mike didn't often think of me as rival. After the incident he had thought that Bella and me would have bonded through having the same experience. But, obviously and painfully, the opposite had happened. Back then, he had been bothered that I had talked to Bella than others but now he was quite happy. I had ignored her and he was my replacement. What was she thinking? Did she welcoming his attention? But the worse was her indifference. As I ignored her, she ignored me. She never spoke to me again. I doubt she thought about me. It would have driven me mad but it hadn't, yet. She would stare at us from a distance, Alice would warn us before hand. We would shift our balance and fidget. Absolute stillness was a _dead_ give away for our kind. It had eased the pain that she would at least look at me a few times. "She's going to look, act normal." Alice said on one Tuesday in March. I paid attention to how many times she had looked in my direction. It had pleased me. She wouldn't do it often but enough to make me feel safe. It made me feel better. Alice sighed. _I wish…  
_ "Stay out of it, Alice." I said under my breath, "It's not going to happen.". She pouted. She was worried that she would never know the girl. She was worried about a friendship that would never happen. She missed the girl she never knew.  
 _I'll admit. You have the future all snarled up and senseless. You're better than I thought. I hope you're happy.  
_ "Really? It makes sense for me." And she snorted. I was not in the mood to listen to her so I drained her out. Today I was tense, really tense. I didn't let it show. Only Jasper could sense my mood by his special ability to sense and influence moods. But he didn't understand why. I was constantly in a foul mood these days. Today would be the hardest one. It would be harder than all the past days. Mike Newton-the boy who thought of me as a rival-was going to ask Bella on a date. He had been planning this for ages. An upcoming girl's choice dance. He'd been hoping that she'd asked him.

It hadn't happened and he had been losing confidence in her asking him. He had been asked by Jessica Stanley and now he was in a uncomfortable bind-I enjoyed his suffering. He didn't want to say 'yes' because he was still hopeful on Bella. To also prove him the victor of all of his rivals. But he didn't want to say 'no' and not go to the dance. Jessica had figured out the reason to his hesitation and thought daggers towards Bella. Again, I had the feeling to go in between Bella and her, to protect Bella. I understood the feeling better and it made it more infuriating that I couldn't act on it. To think it had to come to this! I was utterly fixated on these petty high school dramas that I thought was once mundane. Mike was working up his nerves as he talked to Bella before Biology. I listened to him struggle as I wait for them to arrive. The boy was weak. He had waited for this dance so he could go with Bella. He didn't want to be vulnerable to rejection so he wanted her to take the first step.

Coward.

He sat in my seat once again and was comfortable with the familiarity of it. I imagined the sound of his bones cracking when I throw him against the wall. "So," He looked at the ground, "Jessica asked me to the spring dance."  
"That's great," Bella answered with a smile. Her smile sunk into him. He or neither I had expected this to happen. He'd be hoping for dismay, "You'll have lots of fun with Jessica.". He scrambled for the right words.  
"Well…" He hesitated and almost chickened out. But then his confidence rised up. "I told her to think about it."  
"Why would you say that?" She had demanded. Her tone had disapproval and the slightest remark of relief. What did _that_ mean? I clenched my fists into balls as the anger rised up. Mike had not heard the relief. He was scared and his face was red with blood-really inviting. He looked at the floor again.  
"I was wondering if… well, if you might be planning to ask me.". Bella hesitated. In that moment of hesitation, I had seen the clearest future than Alice could ever had done. The girl might say yes to his unspoken question. Or not. But she would say yes to _someone_. She was lovely and intriguing. All the human males had seen that. Either she would say yes to someone in Forks or years later when she leaves. But the truth is, she would say _yes_ to _someone_.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Chapter Fifteen**

I saw her life as I did once in the past. Her in college, getting a job, love, marriage…  
I saw her arm in arm with her father again. She walked up the aisle slowly but surely. Her dress was white and pretty. Her face was flushed in happiness whiles the music played. The pain was more than anything that I had felt before. A human would be in a point of death right now-a human would not live through it. But it wasn't just the pain but the rage. It raged that she would say yes to someone that wasn't me...What? She was going to say yes to this undeserving boy. I wanted so badly to crush his skull with my own bare hands. I didn't understand this emotion. I had never felt it before. It was awful. I couldn't name it, either. "Mike, I think you should have told her yes," Bella said in a gentle voice. His hopes plummeted. I would have loved to celebrate this moment but I was in the aftershock of the pain. Alice had been right. I wasn't strong enough. Alice would be watching the future be getting all twisted up because of my feelings. Would this please her?  
"Did you already ask someone?" His voice was sad. His eyes flickered towards me for the first time in weeks. I then had realized I was facing Bella and not the front. His thoughts was envious to the guy that Bella chosen over him. He had thought my name in rage and envy, why? I see, that emotion I had been feeling for the past week. I was jealous.  
"No," The girl almost laughed, "I'm not going to the dance at all.". Through all the rage and remorse I suddenly considered _my_ rivals.  
"Why not?" He asked, he sounded almost rude. It had made me angrier that he had used this tone of voice with her. I bit back a growl.  
"I'm going to Seattle that Saturday." She answered. She slipped. She seemed a bit unsure but Mike hadn't seen that, either. I hadn't a clue what that meant. He had become annoying.  
"Can't you go some other weekend?" He had asked.  
"Sorry, no," Bella said, "So you shouldn't make make Jessica wait any longer-it's rude." . Her concern for Jessica fanned my flames. Was she really going to Seattle? Was it just and excuse to say no? Was it because of her loyalty for her friend? Did she want to say yes? Was she interested in someone else? Did I know the guy?  
"Yeah, you're right…" Mike mumbled. He was so sad that I almost pitied him. Almost. He dropped his eyes from the girl-cutting my view. I wasn't having any of that. I turned to read her face for myself. It was the first time in months that I had done that. It was a relief to do that, like breathing. Her eyes were closed and her fingers were rubbing her temples. She shook her head as if she was trying not to think about something. Frustrating and fascinating. Mr. Banner pulled her out of her reverie. She looked at me, maybe she felt my gaze. She had stared with me with the same bewildered expression that haunted me. I didn't feel the pain any more but they would come back. I felt like I had won. She didn't look away even though I had stared at her with inappropriate intensity. I was trying to read her mind through her eyes to find answers but they were filled with questions. I saw my reflection in her eyes, my eyes were black from thirst. It was almost two weeks since the last hunt I had. The blackness didn't seem to scare her but she looked at me with the blood rushing to her cheeks. What was she thinking of now? I almost asked the question out but Mr. Banner had asked me a question. I scanned his head for the right answer and said it, "The Krebs Cycle." I looked in his direction. Thirst burned my throat and I closed my eyes. The monster had gotten stronger. He rejoiced knowing he had a better chance at killing her than falling in love… My wanting to change the future had crumbled by common jealousy. The pain had flooded back. If I had been able to cry, I would have flooded the room. What had I done? Knowing where the battle would be heading-I stared at the girl. She was hiding behind the curtain of hair she had spilled out. I could see through the partings of the tresses that she was crimson.

The monster liked that.

She didn't meet my gaze but twirled her hair with her finger nervously. Her wrist was so fragile… Waiting to be broken… No! I couldn't do this! She was to good, precious to deserve this fate. I couldn't allow my world to collide with her's-They'll both be destroyed. But I wasn't strong enough to stay away from her. Alice was right about that. The monster hissed as I leaned away from the girl. The brief hour had passed and the bell had rang. The girl started to collect her things and didn't look at me. It made sense she didn't;the way I treated her was inexcusable. But it didn't feel right. "Bella?" I asked for her attention. I wasn't able to stop myself from doing it. My willpower had burnt to ashes and Alice should have seen this coming. She hesitated before before looking at me. Her expression was guarded and distrustful. She had every right to feel that way, after the last time we spoke I broke the promise we made and acted cold to her. I took in quick and short breaths before she spoke. "What?" She finally asked, "Are you speaking to me again?" There was an edge to her voice, anger. It made me smile. I wasn't sure how to respond. _Was_ I speaking to her again? No, not if I could help it. This is for her own good.  
"No, not really." I told her. She closed her eyes-which frustrated me because I couldn't read her. She took a deep and long breath before opening her eyes. Her jaw was set. Her eyes eyes were closed again and she spoke slowly, "Then what do you want, Edward?". Was this normal human behaviour? But when she spoke my name, I felt this weird tingly feeling in my body. If I had a heartbeat, it would have speed up. But how to answer her? What did I want from her? I would have to answer her truthfully now. I didn't want her distrust, it didn't feel right. I wanted her to trust me and speak to me normally. I would do anything to earn her trust, even if it was impossible to get.  
"I'm sorry," I finally said. It was true, I was sorry. I didn't want to be rude anything but i had to if we wanted to continue living here. "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really.". It would be better to keep up the charades. But can I carry on? She opened her eyes but they were wary.  
"I don't know what you mean.". I tried to figure out the right thing to say so she would understand.  
"It's better if we're not friends." Surely, she should have known that much. She was smart. "Trust me.". Her eyes narrowed at me and she clenched her teeth together, she definitely remembered the last time I said that.

"It's too bad you didn't out earlier," She said angrily, "You could have saved yourself a lot of regret.". I stared at her in shock, what regret?

"Regret? Regret for what?" I demanded.  
"For not letting that stupid van squish me!" She snapped. I froze. How can she think _that_? Saving her life was the best thing I had ever done! The one thing I was not ashamed of. The one thing that made me glad to actually be in this half-life! I've been trying to keep her alive from the moment her scent hit me! How could she think this of me? How dare the question the one good deed I had ever done!  
"You think I regret saving your life?" I asked her and leaned my head forwards to show I cared.  
"I _know_ you do." She retorted. Her guess made me furious.  
"You don't know anything!" I snarled at her. Her mind was so confusing! Why couldn't she work like the other humans? That must be the reason behind her mental silence. She entirely something else. She jerked her face away from me and her cheeks were flushed with anger, this time. She slammed her books into a pile and hauled it up. She began to march away from away. As irritated as I was, it impossible to not her anger entertaining. She tripped over her own feet and tumbled over. Her books sprawled across the floor and her hair covered her face. She got up and placed her hair away from her face. She stared down at the book-maybe to see if they were worth picking up. I managed not to laugh. No one else was her and she had her back turned to me. I used my speed to be right next to her and gave her the books myself. She stared at me-half way to the ground-frozen. She took the books and didn't touch my family. "Thank you," She said in a cold voice. Her tone brought back my irritation.  
"Your welcome," I said in the same tone of voice. She hauled her body upright and walked away. I looked at her until the figure disappeared.

Spanish went by in a blur. Senora Goff didn't care that I didn't do anything today-she knew my Spanish was superior than her's-because I was thinking.

So, I couldn't ignore the girl. That much was obvious. There has to be another future where I don't destroy the girl. There has to be. I hadn't paid attention to Emmett through the hour and he could easily pick up the change in my mood-even if he can't do it with everyone else. He seemed to be curious. He wondered what had happened to remove my sour mood into a hopeful expression. Hopeful? That's how I looked from the outside? As we walked to the Volvo, I wondered what I was hoping _for_. But I didn't have long to think. As sensitive as I am towards the girl, her face was in all of my… rivals. I had to admit, it had caught my attention. Eric and Tyler had heard of Mike's past failure of asking Bella out. They were preparing their turn to ask her out. Eric was already in the perfect spot. He had stood next to her truck so there was no chance in her ignoring him. I had to see this.  
"Wait for the others here," I murmured to Emmett. He eyed me and then shrugged.  
 _Kid's lost his mind,_ He thought. I got up from the car and hid where I could see the scene. Bella had gotten out of gym and had changed. She was walking down the steps to the parking lot. SHe had rounded the corner and froze. But then she started to walk towards her truck.  
"Hi, Eric," She said in a friendly voice. Then I felt worried. What if she liked boys like that? Eric swallowed loudly.  
"Hi, Bella." He seemed nervous but Bella seemed unconscious to that fact.  
"What's up?" She asked as she began to unlock her truck. She seemed oblivious to the fact that he was frightened.  
"Uh, I wondering…if you would go to the spring dance with me?" His voice broke, he was brave enough to even say it. She finally looked up. Was she taken back or pleased? Eric couldn't meet her gaze so I couldn't see her face.  
"I thought it's a girl's choice," She pointed out, flustered.  
"Well, yeah." He agreed as he remembered that it was. He wished it wasn't so he could have asked her and not wait for her to ask him. He wasn't a Mike but I couldn't synthesise with him.  
"Thank you for asking me, but I am going to be in Seattle that day," He had already heard this from Mike. But he was disappointed.  
"Oh," He mumbled, "Maybe next time."  
"Sure," She agreed. Then she bit her lip as if she was regretting her decision or for leaving him in a loophole. I liked the second idea. Eric walked away, the opposite direction of his car. I had noticed that I had begun to walk in her direction. How? I had passed her at that moment. She had sighed in relief and I let out a short laugh. She turned to face me but I stared forwards, my mouth twitching ever so slightly to keep me from laughing. Tyler was in a hurry behind me, to catch her before she could drive away. He was bolder and more confident of the three and only waited this long because he respected Mike's claim on Bella. I had begun to walk to the Volvo. I wanted him to succeed in catching her because all this attention was annoying Bella-and I loved that-and maybe he was the one she was waiting to say yes to. I measured Tyler as a rival, knowing it was wrong. He seemed like an average boy in my perspective but what did I know of Bella's preferences? She might like average boys…

I winced at that thought. I could never be an average boy. I was a monster. He was better than a monster. Living. Breathing. _Human_. It was foolish to measure him as a rival, Bella would never choose me, a killer. She was too good for me. I wanted her to leave because I couldn't handle the pain if she had said yes. But my curiosity kept me going. I got in the Volvo and parked at the exit. This would stop her from leaving. Emmett and the others had arrived but were walking slowly. He had described my strange behaviour to them on the way. They were watching me, trying to see what I was doing. I watched the girl through the rearview mirror. I watched her glare at the back of the car, she looked as if she wanted to be riding a tank. Tyler hurried and parked his car behind Bella, this was forming a line. He waved at her but she didn't seem to notice. He went up to her window and tapped on it. She jumped and looked at him in surprise. She rolled down the window but it seemed to be stuck half way. "I'm sorry, Tyler." She said in an irritated voice, "I'm stuck behind Cullen." She said my surname in a hard and coldly. She was still mad at me.

"Oh, I know," He seemed unfazed by her mood, "I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here." He grinned cockily. I was happy by the grimace in her face but Tyler hadn't seemed to notice it.  
"Will you ask me to the spring dance?" He asked. His thoughts were all about her saying yes and trying to pick out the right outfit for it. He didn't doubt his thoughts but he hadn't thought about what would happen if she had said no.  
"I'm not going to be in town, Tyler." She told him, irritation spilled in her voice. He hadn't expected that.  
"Yeah, Mike said that." He remembered the scene where Mike said it to him during lunch.  
"Then why-?" She had begun to ask. He shrugged.  
"I was hoping you were letting him down easy.". Her eyes flashed but then cooled.  
"Sorry, Tyler," She didn't seem that sorry, to me, "I really am going to be out of town.". He took the excuse to say something else, his ego untouched.  
"That's cool. We still have prom." He strutted back to his car. I was right to have waited for this. Her expression was priceless. She had a horrified expression that told me everything I needed to know-that she didn't interest any of these human males. My family had arrived then and had been disturbed by the fact that I was rocking with laughter than scowling at everything in sight.

 _What's so funny?_ Emmett wanted to know. I just shook my head at him. I shook with fresh laughter as Bella revved her noisy engine at me. She looked like she was wishing for a tank again.  
"Let's go!" Rosalie hissed, "Stop being an idiot, if you can.". Her words hadn't threatened me in the least because I was too entertained. But I had to go because there was a line forming and I formed it. No one spoke on the ride home but I would chuckle every now and then, thinking of Bella's expression. As I turned to the drive-I sped up because no one was there-Alice spoiled my mood.  
"So, can I talk to her now?" She asked, hopeful. She hadn't thought it through because she said it by impulse.  
"No!" I snapped at her. Why did she have to spoil my mood? Couldn't I be happy without someone ruining it?  
"No fair! What am I waiting for?" She demanded. She couldn't tell the future because I hadn't chosen anything yet.  
"Nothing, nothing! You have to wait until I feel it's right and safe!" I yelled and held a firm grip on the wheel.  
"Whatever, Edward." She mumbled. In her head was the two clear pictures of Bella's two destinies appeared, she couldn't help herself.  
"What's the point of getting to know her if I'm going to end up killing her?" I spoke my thoughts outloud. She was debating in her head but it was an even argument-no side one.  
"Good point," She managed to say. She hated to admit that I was weak, I read it in her thoughts. I squealed to a stop next to the garage.  
"Have a nice run," Rose said as I threw myself out of the car. But I didn't feel like running to Seattle again, I felt like hunting. We were scheduled to hunt tomorrow, at night, but I couldn't afford to be thirsty. I overdid myself again, drowned in the blood of the animals I had stole from. I was so full that I could feel the blood swirl in my stomach. It felt uncomfortable. Why couldn't that be enough? Why did her scent have to be better than the rest? I had hunted in preparation of the next day. When I wasn't thirsty anymore and I couldn't hunt much longer I had to go back home. But a feeling in me couldn't help but not want to go home. I found my feet walking away from my house and to the girl's. I couldn't help myself. I had to see her again.


End file.
